Sorry for the recent more sappy posts I have just needed to write what’s on my mind and only had here to do so.
As you have, I assume, noticed I have fallen in love since I last gave you any real update, its amazing.
In other news, and the reason I haven’t posted much this summer is I have actually been having a good, fun summer hanging out with friends. Its been lovely.
Also, I’ll be starting my senior year in a week which is odd, honestly, I’ll be a college graduate in May.
So yeah, that’s not a very good update for now but that’s basically what’s happening.
Talk to you all later.
I haven’t written in a while I know, and apparently this is my 3 year anniversary on this site (Lucky that I randomly logged in today, eh?) so congratulations to me!
I’m not as active as I once was but I’m thankful to have this to come and write my random thoughts, even if only a few people see them it’s still a nice idea to have.
Anyways, my junior year of college is winding down, in about 2 hours I’ll have my last class of the semester and then next Thursday I’ll have my first final (with 3 then on Friday) and after that I’ll be moving out of the dorms on Saturday.
My feelings on this are quite bittersweet, as they always are at the end of the year. I’m excited to be done with work, I’m quite burnt out on school work right now and definitely need the break but once more I’ll be separated from my friends for a few months.
Like last summer, I’ll be staying up in my college town and working full-time. I’ll be moving into my own apartment this year because the dorms aren’t letting seniors return for overflow purposes. So, for the first time I’ll be completely on my own. My parents no longer provide for me in any way, I’ll have my own place, pay my own rent and as of last week I’m now paying for my cell phone as well. It’s a nice feeling but certainly a scary one.
Fortunately, making things a bit easier with all these changes, unlike last year I’ll have friends staying here with me. Six of my close friends, Sonjay, Tia, Devon, Alex, Matt and Kendra will be staying up here as well which will give me people to hang out with and will hopefully reduce my loneliness and bouts with depression that I struggle with so much when I’m alone. I do of course wish that more people from my main group I hang out with this year would be there, especially my boyfriend of course but I think it will be a good summer regardless, and I’ll still get to talk to them and hopefully see them some throughout the summer.
I’m determined to make this one a good year. It’s my last summer before I graduate, before I have to actually be an adult and such and I plan on making the most of it.
I’ll keep you updated. :)
P.S. Iron Man 3 premiere was last weekend and is ONE OF THE MOST PERFECT MOVIES I’VE EVER SEEN. And tonight is the Great Gatsby premiere! Yeah!
The future is coming quickly, it’s a just a year and a month til I graduate, til I’m done with formal education forever. I know what I want to do, I want to be on the police force in my college town, at least for a bit, maybe move onto more law enforcement later but that’s mostly it. I know that, but I’m still terrified. I have a plan but the fact that I’m almost completely on my own, I’m moving into my first apartment, out of the dorms next month and it scares me.
How did this happen? How did I get to be an adult? A 21-year-old, with an awesome boyfriend, working and paying for college on my own, about to move out into the real world depending completely on myself. I need to save for a car. I need to focus fully on school now that I’m at the end. I need to be the person I’m supposed to be, the person God wants me to be. I need to put God first in my life, above all else, I need to trust.
Growing up is weird, I have a month before I move into my apartment now. This summer will certainly be better than last, I’ll have an actual home instead of living on someone’s couch, I’ll still be working at the same place and be away from my family (which is a blessing) but this summer I’ll have friends up here with me and won’t be alone. I don’t feel like an adult still though, will that ever happen? Will I ever feel independent of people?
I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things. I’m scared. The future is terrifying but God is in control. I’m blessed. I don’t know what’ll happen next year, whether I’ll get the policing job I want. I don’t know. But I do know God loves me and will provide. He’s given me a family of friends that means the world to me and He’ll never abandon me.
And that is comforting.
Ok, so the title’s not quite true, I’m actually awesome at blogging – on Tumblr. Seriously, I post all the time on there. My actual problem is getting off… but on here I just seem to have run out of things to say on a regular basis so for anyone still reading this, I do apologize for my sporadic posting.
I’m not going to promise I’ll get better at it because frankly that’s a serious promise and we’d all probably be disappointed by the outcome. However, when the inspiration strikes, I promise I will write whatever comes to mind. :)
Also, if you are interested in just hearing my thoughts more regularly not necessarily in writing form, I have started VEDA on my YouTube channel. For any who don’t know, that is Vlog Every Day in April which is something many vloggers take part in every April. Since I’m just getting my YouTube channel really started and don’t currently have many viewers or videos, I thought maybe this was a good idea to hopefully get it to take off a bit. I guess we’ll see how the month goes.
At the start of this, I’m currently at 27 subscribers, 11 videos and 589 overall views. I’m desperately hoping to increase that quite a bit over the month but I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high.
But yeah, if you’re interested in that I’ll leave some videos down below and in the meantime I will try to think of some more things to write on here. :)
In other news: Doctor Who is back and I’m ecstatic. Also Supernatural is again breaking my heart and I just started watching the BBC Robin Hood.
I hope you’re all doing well! :)
Yesterday I finally brought up to my mom my desire for tattoos. She’s had suspicions I think that I’ve wanted tattoos but never quite known for sure and as it wasn’t relevant quite yet and I had not broached the subject with her, knowing that she would undoubtedly overreact, being my mother. I simply told her that within the next month I would be getting a tattoo and it will be on my arm where it can be covered up if necessary but can also be displayed when I want it to be. The tattoo is a quote from John Green in my handwriting, “We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.”
Now, I’ve thought about tattoos long and hard over the years and this is definitely not a decision I’ve jumped to without any thought. It’s important to me and is my decision, I’ve been saving up in preparation for this expense for over a year and while it does cost a lot it will be on my body forever.
Mom of course was horrified by the thought of me putting something on my body forever, much less in a place where it is apparent and tried to talk me out of it by pointing out when I’m old my skin will look awful with a tattoo there. I’m sorry but that’s a long time from now and in the meantime I’ll have all these years to enjoy it. When I’m old I hardly think my tattoo on my arm will be my main concern.
She also said “But on your wedding day! You won’t be able to cover it up then!” … Why would I want to? Let’s assume that I get married, it’ll probably be within the next 10-15 years probably, why would I want to cover up a tattoo that I’ve purposely put on my skin to show off to people? And by then I’ll have more than just the one… That’s the weirdest argument I’ve ever heard. Plus, if for some reason I did want to cover it up, there are ways to make that possible.
I just don’t understand why there’s so much judgement about tattoos, it’s my body, it’s not hurting anyone and this particular tattoo I’m getting, a quote from John Green is meant to encourage and remind me of what’s important and to keep me strong.
Sigh. All well, I’m just super excited to get my first tattoo soon!
Ok, so basically I was raised in a church, my parents took me twice a week, that’s how I was raised. (Though I’ve now come to unfortunately doubt just how strong in their personal faiths my parents are due to their actions, I hope they’re truly Christians though.) When I was about 3, they took me to a Billy Graham crusade where I asked to be taken down for the altar call and accept Christ. Since I was so young, when I was about 9 I prayed again, with more of an understanding this time, really thinking about how I wanted to serve God.
For a while, I just went about my life, I obeyed my parents, never cussed, never drank, never did anything slightly rebellious at all but I also didn’t do anything fantastic either. I just lived and always made excuses about why I never went out my way to witness to people, “I might say the wrong thing, turn people away.” “I’m not good at speaking.” “God will use other people.” All those excuses are crap, as a Christian it is literally a command that I go out and tell people the good news, even though I don’t have all the answers nor am I good at speaking, it’s my job, God will take care of the rest.
Anyways, I got a little bolder at the end of high school, I had a really awesome Youth Group that helped me grow in my faith but I still wasn’t so keen on sharing but I continued in growth and fellowship.
Sophomore year of college, (Last year) completely changed everything. I had about 6 really close friends on my floor who were incredibly strong Christians and we spent so much time fellowshipping, worshipping and discussing our faith amongst ourselves and with others on my floor. One of them, Kyle, my RA, has the most incredible passion for Christ I’ve ever seen. People who hate God and Christians would go up and ask him about his faith because it’s so infectious and he just loves with the most incredible, God-like love I’ve ever seen. They all helped me last year, but Kyle helped me the most.
Seeing him and the way he loved everyone, made me want that too. I want to love like God does and bring everyone I possibly can to Him.
Throughout my life, though I’ve been incredibly blessed, I’ve also gone through a lot of crap. My parents are not… the most loving. We’ll say that. For years I’ve constantly heard things like how much I suck and how I’m the worst person imaginable and I’m a disappointment, a whole lot of verbal abuse that honestly I think comes partially from my mother possibly having a mental disorder. I don’t blame them for it because I don’t know if it’s intentional but it still hurts and has left me in a lot of pain and I’m damaged to say the least.
Going through all that stuff with my family has been so hard, especially in the past 5 years or so and there have been many times when I wasn’t sure if I could make it. I didn’t have the will to go on or the hope to see a way out or a future. I’ve hard dark times and while I’m not out of that depression to say the least, I have a bit of hope for the future just because of how faithful God has always been.
Even in little things, which to me mean more than big things, God has been faithful and has always shown Himself and how much He cared. Things like providing a job and housing for last summer when it appeared originally there would be nowhere. Things like bringing the closest friends I’ve ever met and the friends who have accepted me more tightly than a family would when people I thought were my friends left. Even smaller things, like finding a Loki t-shirt I had wanted for months on a super intense sale. God has been incredibly faithful and awesome through everything.
Because of that, that’s why I believe. That’s why through all my hard times I won’t give up. That’s why I trust in Him even when everything looks hopeless. I suck and am so unworthy of everything He’s blessed me with but He loves me and provides for me anyways.
I don’t know what I’d do without my faith and the people I love. I have been blessed.
Jeremiah 29:11 ~ “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
December 12: Hope then dramatically hurled all her papers and threw them in the trash because she was finally finished with finals.
December 13: Having a Lord of the Rings marathon is the best way to prepare for the Hobbit tonight!!
December 14: Oh my gosh. The Hobbit. I can’t. My feels. Peter Jackson. Ah. I don’t even have words.
December 16: I wish I could just hibernate through break. I feel like that situation would be a win for everyone involved.
December 19: “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on… when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back?” ~ Frodo Baggins
* Obviously not one I wrote but was incredibly relevant throughout break.*
December 20: Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
December 20: Well, if the world does end tomorrow, at least my last act today was a Star Wars party and finding more Redditors. Excellent.
December 21: “I was so alone, and I owe you so much.” ~ John Watson *Bursts into never ending tears* Why. Why did I re-watch The Reichenbach Fall.
December 22: You all think the Mayans were wrong about the world ending, but did you stop to think that maybe someone was out there stopping our impending doom? “And his name is The Doctor. He has saved your lives so many times and you never even knew he was there. He never stops, he never stays, he never asks to be thanked. But I’ve seen him, I know him. I love him. And I know what he can do.”
December 22: I can now confirm that the Hobbit is even better the second time around and is in fact worth seeing in IMAX 3D. Peter Jackson, you flawless person, I need to give you a hug.
December 24: Me: Hey dad, Noelle, do you want to hear how fast I can named the dwarves of the Hobbit?
Me: Fili, Kili, Nori, Ori, Dori, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Oin, Gloin and Thorin.
Dad: Was Tolkien on drugs when naming them?
Me: WHAT!? No! Obviously their names sound the same because they’re related!
Dad: I can’t believe you can say all those names with a serious face…
Me: HOW ELSE WOULD YOU SAY THEM!? Here are the pictures.
*starts pointing out each dwarf*
*Dad starts looking away*
Me: Dad, LOOK. THORIN!
Dad: I’m IGNORIN’.
*Sigh* My family…
December 25: Dear body,
When I set my laptop away and laid under my covers with my eyes closed, it meant that I wanted to go to sleep, not suddenly become more awake than I’ve been for the rest of the day. I don’t think you understand, I actually have to wake up early in the morning and I would like some sleep for that so I don’t fall asleep randomly or have yet another headache tomorrow.
So yeah… if I could fall asleep some time really soon, that’d be a cool Christmas present.
December 31: I’m sure glad I have Facebook to let me know it snowed outside. Otherwise I would have never been able to tell by looking out my window or anything. Also, the only thing that makes this snow ok is apparently they named this winter storm Gandalf. So, that’s acceptable I suppose.
December 31: I felt like I should post a deep, moving status before the end of the year, maybe mention my goals for 2013 or how much I love everyone but while I do love you all, I’m afraid I really don’t have anything deep to say. What I do have to say is I’m spending my last minutes of 2012 doing what means a lot to me, watching Doctor Who with a friend. Happy New Year friends, may we spend this new year with those we care about and be the best we can and do what’s important. I’m blessed to have you all in my life. :)
January 1: “Hope is like an older, excitable puppy… Or an older basset hound.. You can’t say no when she asks you nicely.” ~ Michael – Nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.
January 1: Noelle: Wow, it got really quiet in here.
Tj: Oh sorry… That’s because I was thinking about para-pelagic penguins. Like if I found one, I would keep it as a pet. Because then it couldn’t run away.
January 4: Sometimes when I get bored I compile pictures of how drastically my hair has changed since I graduated high school, and even that wasn’t my natural hair color, in fact, over half of you have never even seen my natural hair. But hey, what’s hair for if you can’t change it, right? :DJanuary 4: Dear person who just drove by me as I was laying down taking pictures in my yard,
Please don’t give me that strange look. Sometimes the clouds look awesome and need to be photographed immediately and one doesn’t always have time to change out of their fuzzy socks and put on shoes.
A girl obsessed with taking pictures (Especially of awesome clouds)
January 9: Well, it took me long enough but I have finally finished all of Firefly and Serenity. It was beautiful, flawless and heartbreaking and I will never know why it only got one season. Also thanks for breaking my heart, Joss Whedon. You can go join the list of people I both love and hate simultaneously with Steven Moffat.
January 14: In buying textbooks for my classes I discovered that one of my Criminology classes requires a Batman comic books for the class. Something tells me I’ll enjoy this class.
January 14: Finally learned how to play Yu-Gi-Oh tonight thanks to Megan. And after at least 30 of you had told me to, I finally started Breaking Bad. So yeah, that’s how I’m spending the last week before school starts…
January 16: *Boss walks into work*
Boss: Hi, Hope! We missed you. I heard you were a hipster.
Me: Um.. why am I hipster?
Boss: Oh I found a rap about hipsters on YouTube! I heard you were one.
Me: Oh, ok then…
January 16: This job makes me lose faith in humanity. It scares me a bit how many idiots they let into college. *Sigh*
January 17: It’s starting to become a daily occurrence for me to get in an intense DC vs Marvel debate. I regret nothing.