One of you lovely subscribers the other day asked me to write a post about how I met my boyfriend – this is that post. :)
As most good things do, this story starts with Doctor Who. (No, I’m not kidding, I met almost all of my friends from this year because of Doctor Who.)
The first weekend of September, series 7 of Doctor Who premiered, Asylum of the Daleks. Several of my high school friends had driven up to watch it with me and we were having a great time in the basement of my dorm where the cable TV was. After hanging out there a while before it started, four people we didn’t know came down to watch it as well. They seemed pretty neat, we exchanged names (Blake, Sonjay, Ben and Hailey, were theirs). They seemed neat but after Doctor Who they went back to their respective rooms (I found out later they were all on the first floor and I was on the third) and I thought nothing of it again.
A month went by and it was a weekend I was prepared to be bored for. Literally everyone I had ever hung out with at my university had picked that weekend to go home, so I sat out in my lobby and prepared to watch TV and Tumblr for a couple of days. While I was out there, about 6 people came up the elevator and were going to play a card game with David, a guy on my floor who I knew somewhat and seemed cool. When they saw me sitting alone, they invited me to play with them, which then led to going to Burger King and hanging out. While at Burger King I found out they were all huge nerds, most of them into Doctor Who and all my other fandoms and we all had a lot in common. Through talking, I also found out that 4 of them were the 4 I had met that Doctor Who premiere.
After that night at Burger King, all of us hung out nearly every night and each weekend we would all have movie nights at Andrew and James’ apartment and just do nerdy stuff a lot.
I became close with a lot of them during that time, even dating Andrew briefly but that didn’t work out and we broke up just before Christmas break. During the break, I was lonely at home without people and took to texting several of the group nearly all the time. By the time we got back to school, we had all somehow become inseparable and if we weren’t in class or work or asleep (sometimes even while asleep…) we were in Michael’s single room, hanging out. We weren’t friends anymore, we had far surpassed that and became the closest of families.
If one of us needed anything, the others were there. I felt sick, Michael got me medicine, I was cold, Blake made me tea. We were all inseparable.
As the weeks passed, I started getting closer to Blake, learning his love of Doctor Who, Firefly, Star Wars, Supernatural, Sherlock and really everything I care about. At the end of January, when I decided to cut off my hair and leave a Padawan braid, Blake and I started going to the gym on campus, in the racquetball courts and lightsaber dueling intensely. After that we joined the fencing team (though after a while we got lazy and gave up there…) and through all that we got closer and closer.
After a while Hailey told me she and Sonjay thought he liked me, but I didn’t believe her, why would he? Then our friend Becca, who was at a school 2 hours away so she wasn’t even with us, wrote on my wall, “Dearest Hope, please marry Blake for me.”, which got liked by all of our group, I was still doubtful, then my coworker Jenni, who didn’t know any of my friends, just based on stories told me, “Hope, within a few weeks you’ll be dating that boy.” I told her no way and forgot about it,
On Valentine’s Day, all of our group went to Applebees for dinner for “Single Awareness Day”, before we left, Blake gave me a Valentine he had made that was the single sweetest thing I’ve ever seen, incorporating my fandoms and just being adorable. I still was just ignoring the signs. Then, about a week later, Blake asked me on a date. I agreed, though still a bit wary, I didn’t believe in love after all, and if it existed, why would it happen to me?
I went anyways, we went to Noodles and Company for dinner and I had a great time. Afterwards, we became nearly inseparable, though I was still unwilling to call us a couple.
He asked me to be his girlfriend a few days later and I told him I liked him a lot but I was scared of relationships and that I was sorry. Being the amazing person he is, he told me to take as long as I needed and that he would be there waiting whenever I was ready.
I was ready February 23, 2013. I said I wanted to be his girlfriend and here, almost 8 months later, I’m in love.
It’s real and it’s happening to me and I’ve never been so happy.
These 8 months have been the happiest of my entire life.
Any of my long time readers know that I started watching Doctor Who in the Spring of 2011. Most of you, long time reader or not, know that Doctor Who is the most important thing in my life after God and my friends. It’s been there to comfort me, to make me laugh, make me cry, even make me angry.
When I first starting watching, I watched new Who, watching from Eccleston to Smith circa series 5 in less than a month. I ate it up. Then it happened, I caught up. On April 16, 2013, I finished series 5 and had to go from watching 5 episodes a day, to having to wait a week, til the 23rd for the opener to series 6 – “The Impossible Astronaut.”
I’ve loved all 3 Doctor’s I’ve seen – Eccleston with his sass, Tennant with his intelligence, his beautiful, heartfelt acting and everything else about him. I cried as Ten regenerated and told myself I wouldn’t be able to love anyone like I loved him. I was right, I didn’t love anyone like I loved Ten, but immediately starting the Eleventh Hour, I fell in love with Matt. With his childlike wonder, his silliness, how sometimes you can believe he is so, so old, all the ways he cares about everyone he comes into contact with (Both in real life and as the Doctor come to think of it), Matt is my Doctor.
He was my first really, the first Doctor I waited a week, several weeks or often times months for the next episode. Matt’s the one I’ve spent the most time seeing, the most time I’ve spent falling in love with. Yes, Eccleston and Tennant are wonderful and are so very much the Doctor but Matt, Matt Smith is mine. He is the one I care about the most, the one I relate to the most – how he has fun and acts excited about everything, but sometimes, often the reason he acts so ridiculous is to cover the sadness, to forget everything from his past, to distract himself from the people he’s lost. I understand that feeling so well.
But more than that, the Eleventh Doctor cares, “900 years of Time and Space and I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important.” The Eleventh Doctor has given my life more meaning, he’s made me realize how important I am, how even though caring often ends in pain – it’s worth it for the time you do have those people.
This Sunday, the Twelfth Doctor will be announced. BBC is having a special where Matt and Moffat will be talking about Doctor Who and letting us all know who’s coming next. We still have two episodes with Matt of course, but I’m already in tears just thinking of it, yes, it’s time, yes, this is the nature of the show and I know that I will fall in love with the new Doctor immediately. The Doctor is the same man always but Matt will always be MY Doctor. He will have that spot in my heart.
Obviously, this will be the first time I’ve witnessed the regeneration live, and trust me, on Christmas Day I will be a complete emotional wreck all day but this is also the first time I’ve gotten to be part of the hype, to see it build up. From hearing Matt announce that he was leaving, to seeing videos of him breakdown at Comic Con, saying he had made a mistake, begging people not to forget him.
It’s been a beautiful 4 years, I’ve loved every second of it and quickly you became the Doctor closest to my heart. You’ve made me laugh, cry and feel I could be a hero. I’m not ready for you to go but I know you feel it’s your time. Since that is the way the show works, I’m looking forward to who will be next but I’ll miss you and you will always be in my heart.
You were fantastic. Bow ties have never been cooler.
Raggedy man, goodbye.
Dear Matt Smith,
Hello, old friend, and here we are, you and us, on the last page. By the time you read these words, your time as the Doctor will be done. So know that we understand and are supportive of your decision. And above all else, know that we will love you, always.
Sometimes we do worry about you, though. We think once you’re gone, you won’t be coming back to Doctor Who for a while and that you might be sad, which you should never be.
Don’t be sad, Matthew.
And do one more thing for us. There’s whole fandom waiting in anticipation for our next Doctor. They’re going to wait a long while, so they’re going to need a lot of hope.
Go to them.
Tell them that if they’re patient, the days are coming that they’ll never forget. Tell them they’re going to see new planets and run from aliens. They’ll fall in love with a man that chose to carry on the legacy of being the Doctor. Tell them they’ll give hope to other fandoms and bring a whole new generation into the family that is Doctor Who.
Tell them this is the journey of the Eleventh Doctor. And this is how it ends.
I know this sounds silly, but the reason 11 is and always will be my favorite Doctor is this, he feels worthless like I do. He jokes and laughs and acts ridiculous nearly all the time to mask his pain and insecurity, which if you know me in real life is what I do quite often. People who don’t really know me, would really never know anything was wrong, I hide it well. And it is true laughter and I do have fun and stuff but I laugh harder and throw myself into other things that make me happy to cover up the pain and the hurt of the past, of people leaving and of feeling worthless which I think is what he does too.
He laughs and is ridiculous most of the time, but then there are times like these, times when he’s so sad, and so upset and feels like nothing he’s ever done is good enough because he’s failed, he’s hurt people, people have hurt him, he’s been left, he’s broken but still he cares about everyone. It doesn’t matter to him how hurt he is because other people are more important, he wants to save everyone, no matter what the personal cost to himself because he doesn’t matter, he’s worthless but everyone else isn’t, they all matter.
“In 900 years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important.”
He cares about everyone else and so do I. We don’t care about ourselves because we don’t matter, but everyone else does. That’s how I feel and that’s how I think he feels, 11 has moved on from the other regenerations, he’s tired and feels useless, helpless and worthless but he’s going to keep fighting for others, for his friends.
“My friends have always been the best of me.”
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had some super random situations occur while walking around campus or just going about my day, naturally I’ve been trying to make witty Facebook statuses and tweets about them but since I don’t have most of my readers on Facebook, I thought I would share those experiences here. :)
– Just now as I was nonchalantly walking to class, minding my own business, a leaf came up and slapped me directly in the face.
– I just saw a person dressed as Santa Clause riding a skateboard. I love college.
– Coworker on the phone: “Can I put you on hold?” Caller: “Well, I just hit a dog & I’m waiting on the police so I can’t really hold on…”
– Dear random guy I don’t know in Kramer at breakfast this morning,
I’m sorry I accidentally gave you a creepy look. You happened to walk in front of the coffee cake that I had just spotted and I just couldn’t contain my excitement (because as everyone knows, unhealthy, delicious food makes me happy) and I accidentally made that creepily happy face at you.
Apologies from someone who loves breakfast cake too much,
– There is nothing that unites people like playing Backstreet Boys in the dining hall.
– Why my dad is awesome:
Me: Hey, who would win a fight against a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco?
Dad: A spicy taco would have more kick to it ensuring a win for the taco…unless it was sharp cheddar cheese… Then we have an even fight.
Well said dad. :)
– Listening to “Be Our Guest” while walking around campus makes me want to burst out into song and dance.
– The consequences of watching British vloggers all the time at work is sometimes answering the phone with an accent. I regret nothing.
– While walking to class just now,a girl walked past me, looked at me briefly and then immediately ran in the other direction. I have no idea what just happened.
– As I walk through campus listening to screamo, I am struck by the desire to learn how to scream. Too bad that’s just not an ability I have.
As most of you readers know, I’ve struggled for a long time with people leaving, people lie and people leaves constantly. Maybe on one hand can I count the people who’ve actually stayed in my life and proved they care despite the promises all the others have made to stay in my life and be my friends forever. Out of all the people I’ve known in my 20 years of life, that’s not a lot, and it scares me. It terrifies me actually. I want to stop caring, I want to just put all my feelings for anyone away for ever and just not care. Because if I don’t care I can’t get hurt right? I told myself about a month ago that love didn’t exist, that not even real friendships could fully exist without people eventually leaving, I told myself that and promised myself to stop caring, I admit it, I didn’t want to make new friends this year on my new floor because I know they’ll leave, I know they’ll leave along with all the other people I care about already. I have ended up making new friends regardless of that though I admit until recently I hadn’t actually gotten to know them super well because I’m afraid of getting hurt. Again.
This past week though I’ve started getting close with new people, and I’ve started caring again and I’m so scared. I’m petrified that more people I care about will leave.
Luckily, I do still have some friends that care and one in particular who is wise beyond her years and I have quoted on here before because of her wisdom (And will no doubt quote again), was kind enough to give me some wise advice, “Hope I could count on one hand. Like, one finger maybe, maybe, who hasn’t left me one way or another. People do, but that doesn’t make you an island, or the cause. It’s (I think) partially just the stage of life we’re in. Attachment is hard when moving around, settling down, finding yourself, etc. Plus your age group is where all the tough stuff we went through at 15 comes into play for dudes anyway, or when it’s getting resolved anyway, so the majority of them are all whacked out. But there’s the few. The proud. The Whovians and the Trekkies, the loyal ones and the ones that don’t make fun of Star Wars debates. Not necessarily saying all good people are nerds, but I think in our case it applies.
I don’t even know what I ended up saying there. People are good. People are worth weeding through to find the best ones.”
When she said that, I realized she was right, Maybe it’s not my fault, it’s just our world is screwed up and it hurts. But I do try to remember how the Doctor would think of it, he knows the worlds hurt more than anyone… but he still continues caring. Even though literally everyone breaks his heart…
So, because of that, I’m trying to remember that, to care even though it might hurt, and maybe someday I’ll meet someone who won’t leave.
The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. ~ The Doctor
Today the weather was absolutely gorgeous and one of my classes got out early so I went and laid outside and took pictures of the gorgeous fall colors. While laying there and breathing in the warm fall breeze, I was overcome with a great sense of adventure. I just wanted to travel, to see the world, to have mad, impossible adventures. I want to see the world, explore things that aren’t known, stop for crying children and question everything. I’m tired of being the girl who waited, I want to go, get out, do something. There’s so much to see out there and I feel like those who don’t do their best to see everything they can are wasting their time, go out, experience things, see thing you’ve never dreamed of.
In the words of Bilbo Baggins, “I think I’m quite ready for another adventure.”
Who’s with me?
“But what people don’t realize is that, when it comes to fictional characters, they are just as real to us as our friends or lovers or siblings or parents. It doesn’t matter that we can’t touch them or visit them or engage with them in conversation, what matters is that they’ve made an impact on our lives and that is what makes them real.”
This weekend’s episode of Doctor Who saw the final story for the Ponds, the return of the Weeping Angels and a time where Steven Moffat once again broke my heart. I went home this weekend with a friend and was therefore unable to watch the episode until last night instead of Saturday when it aired but it was worth the wait. While of course my heart is completely broken by the departure of the Ponds and who knows when I’ll be emotionally ok again, in my opinion it was a very well done episode. The Angels were terrifying as usual and from about the half-way point on, I was in tears which NEVER happens, especially not when I’m with people (Which I was). It was brilliant however as Moffat’s episodes always are and besides being emotional, confusing and terrifying, it was also witty and had moments where I laughed out loud. One such moment made me crack a smile but then immediately tear up again because of the Pond feels I was having, “I always wanted to visit the Statue of Liberty, I guess she got impatient.”
So yeah, I can’t even really write coherently right now because I’m still in recovery from that episode, all the emotions it brought and how like I recently wrote about I am going to miss Amy and Rory (And Karen and Arthur) so incredibly much. They’re forever seared on my heart.
“Hello old friend, and here we are. You and me, on the last page. By the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone. So know that we lived well, and we’re very happy. And above all else, know that we will love you, always. Sometimes I do worry about you, though. I think, once we’re gone, you won’t be coming back here for a while, and you might be alone, which you should never be. Don’t be alone, Doctor. And do one more thing for me. There’s a little girl waiting in a garden. She’s going to wait a long while, so she’s going to need a lot of hope. Go to her. Tell her a story. Tell her that if she’s patient, the days are coming that she’ll never forget. Tell her she’ll go to sea and fight pirates. She’ll fall in love with a man who’ll wait two thousand years to keep her safe. Tell her she’ll give hope to the greatest painter who ever lived, and save a whale in outer space. Tell her, this is the story of Amelia Pond. And this is how it ends.”
~ Amelia Jessica Pond – The Angels Take Manhattan