A rambly post that doesn’t count as my post of the day because this is kinda angsty and I’ll post a better one later.
Ok, so as you can tell from my extremely long post title, this post will not be my only post for the day (Well, unless some sort of extreme circumstance happens like a unicorn stabbing me through the heart or a monkey kidnapping me or something keeps me from writing later. Wow… this is getting weird already… This is why I don’t usually post at 2am…) and it will be a bit angsty. Not too bad, but some about my life this summer recently.
So really, things have been getting much better, I haven’t been lonely because of my new friends and other than dying of the over 100 degree weather we’ve been having this week, I’ve actually been doing quite well. Yeah, I really, really miss West 5 still and that will continue until I can see them again but God is good and is teaching me so much about how He is truly all I need. I’m even doing better at asking for me to think of His will, and not mine, which is going ok, considering I’m a human and have stupid desires and am bad at being selfish. But anyways, my missing my friends has got me thinking, I only have 2 more years of college, and then what? Sure, I’m positive I’ll stay friends with at least some of these awesome people, but how many? And how? We’ll all be separated by who knows what amounts? I can hardly stand to go the summer without them, what happens when I have to go longer? And of course, it might be obvious by my writing but there’s one person in particular I will miss the most. The person I think most about out of everyone. And I try not to, I really do, I pray all the time that I would only focus on what God wants, and that I’ll just not even think about this person in this way if God doesn’t want me to. After all, God is in control, and knows my future and has a beyond brilliant plan for my life. So why am I still so impatient? Why can’t I stop imagining my future with this person? Why do I have trouble imagining him not being a permanent staple in my life? In my mind, I could totally see a future with him, but what if that’s not what God wants? What if God has someone completely different for me? Would I be ok with that? I mean, there’s already been countless friends who’ve only been in my life for a short season, what if he’s one of them? I can’t bear the thought of it but I have to be open to the thought that God’s ways are not mine. And I’m trying to be ok with that, and just let whatever comes come, and that sort of them. But it freaks me out… I’ve gotten so used to this person being in my life, my best friend, my confidant that I can’t picture life without him. Either as a friend or something more which is what I, Hope would prefer. Asdklfjd. I wish I knew what God’s plan was here, I know I have a lot to trust Him about, and I know that His plans will always prevail and be better than I could imagine, but in my head, this is the best thing that could happen, and the thing I want most in life. I just wish I knew if that’s what God wants too. Because honestly, I want God’s will to be my will. And I want to trust God completely and love Him and honor Him and not worry about anything else.
So that’s what I’m working on currently…
I will now stop this angsty, not well put together, rambly and slightly psychotic sounding post.
I’ll write later!
Because I think I am. Yep, that probably sounds creepy. I realize that but I really like Charlie McDonnell. Ok, love is too strong a word definitely since I don’t know him and he has no idea I exist but for real. I like this guy a lot… I had a dream the other day that when I moved to England (which in my dream was sometime next year…) I just like ran into him one day and we just clicked and became good friends. We hang out all the time and it was great fun. Then we sorta just fell in love. Sappy, yes, I realize that. Creepy? Quite possibly… but I like to think not! ;) Too bad that won’t happen… but I really wish it would! But I mean, if we did ever meet, I feel like we would be good friends! We’re a whole lot a like! Loving Doctor Who, neither of us drink or smoke and he’s super cute and funny and sweet. :) It would be great. *Cough* I’m done now.
Ok, this was a really ridiculous post and made me seem a bit of a stalker but whatever, I’m really not I promise!
First off, let me just say that after re-watching all of “Alex Reads Twilight” it has become my life goal to find a nice, cute, funny, Christian, British boy to fall in love with. :) I just love British boys.. I want one… I will find one.. Soon, hopefully.. :P *Cough* Um yes, anyways, onto the topic I actually came to write about. Earlier today I said that I would post my essay on what has influenced my life, well, after getting distracted by my friend, YouTube, Facebook and supper, I have actually now finished it. So, here you go! Please enjoy! :) Input is welcomed and I will probably do some revising before actually turning this in, the intro is a little iffy..
Influences on My Life
When we were assigned this essay of writing “What others need to know in order to understand what it’s like to be me?”, I immediately started thinking, “what does influence my life,” “what does it take to be me?” “and how do I communicate everything that has influenced me in my life to my English class?”. After some thought, I decided to just share the three most important things in my life, God, family and friends and books.
Without a doubt the number one thing that has influenced my life is God. I am a strong Christian and God has always been a huge part of my life. I wouldn’t be anywhere without His guidance and love. I’ve grown up in a loving, Christian home and grew up always hearing about God and Jesus and their love for everyone. This love has been very influential in my life and I would not be who I am today without it.
Another large influence in my life is all my wonderful friends and family. Truthfully, though my family has been influential in my life, my friends have been much more so. I tend to think of my friends as my family, sort of the family I’ve chosen for myself. I have about eight extremely close friends that I know I can rely on for anything and I have often had a hard time answering the question, who is your number one best friend, I honestly consider all eight of these to be my best friends. I tell them everything and I know I can trust them for anything, and they know the same about me. Throughout my life, these friends have always been here for me, through the hard times and the good times and though some adults say that childhood friendships fade, I know without a doubt that I will be friends with these eight until the end. These friends have been influential on me not only just by being there for me but also by giving me advice when I have needed it the most. They mean the world to me and I would literally not be ok without them in my life. Though I haven’t seen some of these friends in several years because I moved from Georgia to Kansas, I still keep in touch with them regularly and I know that I always will, no matter the distance.
The last major influence on my life I must admit sounds a bit nerdy but it is quite true, and that influence is books. Particularly “The Chronicles of Narnia,” “The Lord of the Rings,“ and The “Harry Potter” series have had huge impacts in my life. I’ll just go ahead and say it right now, I am a huge nerd, I would rather read than just about anything in the world. On average I read about 6 novels a week and I enjoy it immensely. Books mean the world to me, they stretch your imagination, they can take you anymore and make you feel any emotion possible. Reading a good book is like journeying to a wonderful place, only more affordable. This is the reason books have had such an influence on my life, I have read hundreds if not thousands of books in my life and almost all have them have meant a lot to me and have had wonderful impacts on my life. I truly believe that books are a wonderful gift from God.
These three things are by far the most important influencing factors of my life and I wouldn’t be even close to who I am now without all three of them.
“It’s like that thing, where two jacked midgets paint themselves orange and you have to parallel park between them.” ~ Stefon
Today, my day consisted of walking around campus and looking for a job and walking to the bookstore to pick up some textbooks. Unfortunately, due to the holiday, everything is currently closed but hopefully I’ll find a job soon! I really need one! Fortunately the walk around campus wasn’t a complete waste because I took some excellent snow pictures and got some much needed exercise! :) Other things that have happened recently, I got back to school yesterday, it’s been great! I’ve enjoyed seeing everyone and I have been introduced to the absolute best YouTube videos ever: Alex reads Twilight. Soooo hilarious! If you love Englishmen, and hate Twilight, and like cute boys, WATCH THESE IMMEDIATELY! Heres the first one, enjoy! Another super exciting thing, Panic at the Disco (One of my all time favorite bands!) is getting ready to release their new single, “The Ballad of Mona Lisa”. I’m so excited! They have a small clip that they just released and it sounds amazing! Another thing I have become quite addicted to recently is SNL. I mean let’s face it, Saturday Night Live skits are pure genius! Some of my favorites include the Judy Grimes skits, the Surprise skits and Garth and Kat skits. My ABSOLUTE favorites however are Stefon. Bill Hader = BRILLIANT! Oh gosh, I just love them! Please enjoy my favorite one: http://www.hulu.com/watch/200104/saturday-night-live-weekend-update-stefon
Well, that’s all I have for now! :)
Skillet’s song Comatose has been my theme song of the day. Especially that first line, is so true, I hate feeling like this! No matter what I do, I can’t get him out of my head, though today it was made clear that he’s completely moved on. I guess I have to just get over it.
Today just wasn’t that great a day in any way, mom was super ticked at me all day (what else is new, eh?) I think I’m getting sick, I’ve had a terrible headache all day and it appears I’ve done something to my right leg… I’m limping now. All I know is I just can’t wait to go back to college. Sure I’ll miss my friends here but I haven’t seen them all that much over break anyways and at college at least I’ll be away from my family and I’ll have stuff to do to distract myself from the whole boy situation. I just hate this so much…
“And I have a question:
What is love?
What is love?
La-oh oh oh-oh-oh
Is it giving up?
‘Cause that’s not how you
~ NeverShoutNever – What is Love
After a week of heartbreak, I’m finally, slowly coming to the realization that maybe, maybe true, romantic love does exist. At first after everything happened and since I’ve never really seen any real examples of it, I thought that maybe it wasn’t real at all. But I’ve been pondering, praying and thinking, if its not real, then why is that what everyones looking for in life? Everyone is always looking for love. I know this sounds cheesy but in the movie Aquamarine, they talk about how love is the closest thing we have to magic, ok, yeah, sure that’s a movie, I know, but I feel like that line has a bit of truth to it. Maybe there is love in the world… Somewhere. I just have to keep looking. Yeah, I’m still pretty heartbroken and it’s gonna take quite some time to get over that because I do really still like him a lot but maybe I will eventually find true love. I just have to keep faith that it’s there, and for now, I’ll just try to be patient and just focus on loving my friends and focusing on God. God has a perfect plan for me and someday, when it’s His will, I’ll find the right guy. Maybe Michael Buble was right when he sang, “I just haven’t met you yet.”
I guess we’ll see what happens.
A list written by one of my best friends on the power boys have over us. So true! Especially number one. I cannot even describe how much I’m on Facebook just to see if he gets on. That’s why I’m on all the time. Some of these on this list don’t apply to me, but 1, 3, 5, 6 and 11 are so true. I really just want him to love me. :/
1.) You make us wait around on things like FACEBOOK on a weekend to see if you will get on.
2.) You make us check our phone 24/7 to see if you have texted us… even if we just checked it 2 seconds ago.
3.) You make our heart flutter if we DO see you have texted us or are are on facebook.
4.) When we see you… we can’t even get the nerve to talk to you.. because we are so flipping nervous.
5.) Your smile kills.
6.) Every time we see you talk to another girl… we die a little inside.
7.) Every time you text one of our friends, we wish it was us.
8.) There are girls all over the world thinking of these same reasons right now, so obviously you do something to us.
9.) You ignore questions we direct at you.
10.) If you answer them, they are not clear answers.
11.) You cannot take a hint if it hit you in the face.
12.) Short answers are not sufficient.
13.) You talk to us for months, then pick days to ignore us…
14.) You take forever to text back sometimes, and we feel we said something wrong.
15.) You always deny being emotional…it’s okay.. we like it!