Dear Future Husband,
I hope you’re out there. I’m working on trusting God about you. I know He has a plan and I’m hoping that includes you someday. Sometimes I don’t believe and sometimes I get impatient. But God is good and I know He’ll take care of both of us.
From To My Future Spouse Tumblr:
– As we keep on waiting, I pray that we may already practice 1 Corinthians 13. It’s not only about trusting each other, but trusting GOD’s PERFECT TIMING. Prayers, dear!
– I miss you even though I have no idea where you are or who you are. Life sucks without you.
– Let’s watch Anchorman and pee our pants laughing. But in a sexy way.
Ok, so basically I was raised in a church, my parents took me twice a week, that’s how I was raised. (Though I’ve now come to unfortunately doubt just how strong in their personal faiths my parents are due to their actions, I hope they’re truly Christians though.) When I was about 3, they took me to a Billy Graham crusade where I asked to be taken down for the altar call and accept Christ. Since I was so young, when I was about 9 I prayed again, with more of an understanding this time, really thinking about how I wanted to serve God.
For a while, I just went about my life, I obeyed my parents, never cussed, never drank, never did anything slightly rebellious at all but I also didn’t do anything fantastic either. I just lived and always made excuses about why I never went out my way to witness to people, “I might say the wrong thing, turn people away.” “I’m not good at speaking.” “God will use other people.” All those excuses are crap, as a Christian it is literally a command that I go out and tell people the good news, even though I don’t have all the answers nor am I good at speaking, it’s my job, God will take care of the rest.
Anyways, I got a little bolder at the end of high school, I had a really awesome Youth Group that helped me grow in my faith but I still wasn’t so keen on sharing but I continued in growth and fellowship.
Sophomore year of college, (Last year) completely changed everything. I had about 6 really close friends on my floor who were incredibly strong Christians and we spent so much time fellowshipping, worshipping and discussing our faith amongst ourselves and with others on my floor. One of them, Kyle, my RA, has the most incredible passion for Christ I’ve ever seen. People who hate God and Christians would go up and ask him about his faith because it’s so infectious and he just loves with the most incredible, God-like love I’ve ever seen. They all helped me last year, but Kyle helped me the most.
Seeing him and the way he loved everyone, made me want that too. I want to love like God does and bring everyone I possibly can to Him.
Throughout my life, though I’ve been incredibly blessed, I’ve also gone through a lot of crap. My parents are not… the most loving. We’ll say that. For years I’ve constantly heard things like how much I suck and how I’m the worst person imaginable and I’m a disappointment, a whole lot of verbal abuse that honestly I think comes partially from my mother possibly having a mental disorder. I don’t blame them for it because I don’t know if it’s intentional but it still hurts and has left me in a lot of pain and I’m damaged to say the least.
Going through all that stuff with my family has been so hard, especially in the past 5 years or so and there have been many times when I wasn’t sure if I could make it. I didn’t have the will to go on or the hope to see a way out or a future. I’ve hard dark times and while I’m not out of that depression to say the least, I have a bit of hope for the future just because of how faithful God has always been.
Even in little things, which to me mean more than big things, God has been faithful and has always shown Himself and how much He cared. Things like providing a job and housing for last summer when it appeared originally there would be nowhere. Things like bringing the closest friends I’ve ever met and the friends who have accepted me more tightly than a family would when people I thought were my friends left. Even smaller things, like finding a Loki t-shirt I had wanted for months on a super intense sale. God has been incredibly faithful and awesome through everything.
Because of that, that’s why I believe. That’s why through all my hard times I won’t give up. That’s why I trust in Him even when everything looks hopeless. I suck and am so unworthy of everything He’s blessed me with but He loves me and provides for me anyways.
I don’t know what I’d do without my faith and the people I love. I have been blessed.
Jeremiah 29:11 ~ “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
For us Americans (Which I know does not include all of my readers but happy Thanksgiving to you non-Americans as well! :D I’m thankful for every one of you!), today is Thanksgiving, a day we gather with family, maybe watch the Macy’s Day Parade, watch some sports (not me, but I’ve heard that’s a thing), eat way too much and try to remember what we’re thankful for in our blessed lives that we usually take for granted. Usually I try to stay thankful and constantly try and remind myself of the things in my life I’ve been blessed with but I feel like recently I haven’t done that as much as I should’ve, so what better time to do it than on Thanksgiving? Here’s my list (Of course there are many things I’m sure that I’m forgetting but here’s some things!)
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
– God: I know this sounds cliche and stuff but really, God is my best friend, He has literally breathed life into me, kept me alive for a purpose and given me everything about my life. He’s helped me through the bad times and showed me that I’m here for a reason, I go through crap sometimes but not more than anyone else, He lets me go through the bad so that the good is actually good. Obviously I can never even kind of sum up God’s amazingness but really, God is the best you guys.
– My amazing friends: Seriously, I know I talk about them and their amazingness all the time but for real, God has given me some AMAZING people in my life. Without them, and without God of course, I really wouldn’t be here at all. They’ve saved me on countless occasions and I love them with all of my heart.
– My boyfriend: What. I can say that? That’s so weird. I have a boyfriend. AH! I’m still surprised, and super excited. :D But really, he’s awesome and adorable and sweet and who knew I would ever find one! Much less a super awesome, nerdy one! God’s timing is so cool. Just after I was angsty about turning 21 without having a boy care about me, a boy came out of seemingly nowhere and likes me and wanted to date me. :) And that makes me super happy and thankful.
– The internet: Um, Hope, what? Why? You could live without it right? Nope. Not really. Which some see as a bad thing and sure, I might have an unhealthy addiction in some ways to the internet but in other ways it too has saved my life. I’ve been able to contact, meet and stay in touch with friends through the internet and through that they’ve saved my life and kept me sane. Also it’s made me feel more sane with all my fandom feelings knowing I’m not alone in those. :D
– My fandoms: Yes, another one that seems ridiculous but if you’ve been reading my blog for long you know how much they mean to me. They make my life better and happier and more full and beautiful and ah! I just love them. Fiction is incredible ok?
– My family: I know that I complain about my mom and how my dad doesn’t do anything to help but they have raised me and helped me sorta become who I am, so yeah, even though they’re painful and stuff I’m still thankful they’re in my life. I wish we got along better and I wish my mom liked me but I love them and am glad for the good times they’ve brought to my life. Plus, I’ve never gone without food or shelter, things could be a lot worse. I’m thankful for what I have.
I gave up, I was sure there was no one out there who wouldn’t find me too awkward, to weird and ever think I’m attractive. I gave up. I told people I had given up and I prayed and cried out to God and told Him that I was giving up on people and completely surrendering to Him in all things and putting Him first and asked Him to help me bring glory to Him in all things. I gave up completely, and the same day I’m told by an inside source that something may be happening, that someone is interested and something might happen.
God, I don’t know what’s going on here, I don’t know where if anywhere this is going to go, I admit I want it to go somewhere but you know what? I surrendered to You and I stand by that. Help me do what is right in this and every situation and completely follow Your will. I’m trusting You in Your perfection and timing and if this is supposed to happen, I know it will. Help me not be anxious or impatient but to praise You in all things and all times.
God, you are incredible, help me always remember that.
Though none of my days this semester are incredibly difficult (Though some are boring) like everyone, I have a favorite day of the week. The weekend of course is my favorite time as I don’t work or have class but during the week Wednesdays happen to be my favorite. “And why might that be?”, you might be asking yourself quizzically. Well, let me tell you. :)
First of all, every Wednesday this semester I’ve gotten up an hour earlier than I need to so I can go prayer outside in the middle of our campus with some friends. Now, this idea hasn’t caught on quite as well as I’ve hoped, the first week it was just me and Chelsea, the second week just me and Jared and ever since then just me and Tyler but it’s always a really cool way to start out the morning, praising God and praying for everyone around campus. However since it is getting cold outside (This morning it was only 29 degrees…) we might have to find an inside location.
After prayer, I go to breakfast before my class, I usually have some extra time to eat on Wednesdays since I’ve been up earlier so I use our dining hall’s waffle maker and make a delicious (and terrible unhealthy) chocolate chip waffle and have some coffee. It’s a brilliant thing!
After that I go to my first class for the day – Social Interaction which is for my major and is really interesting (Which is good for an 8:30 class or I’d be dead every morning), after that, I have an hour break between classes that isn’t quite long enough to go back to my dorm so I sit in our student union and read my Bible and do some homework each week, then it’s time to go to History of Rock and Roll. Yes, you read that right people, I am taking a 3 credit hour class about Rock and Roll, and not only is it super fun, it’s generally regarded as the easiest class at my university, but not only that, I’m taking it with Gleason, Connor, Justin and Jared – 4 guys from West 5, my floor last year. It’s basically the best thing ever.
By the time that’s over, it’s lunch time! Jared has a class right after that but Gleason, Connor, Justin and I go back to West, get Roger and Dakota and then go to lunch! Lunch is always entertaining and then I go to work from 12:30-5. That part isn’t extremely entertaining but I can get my homework done and watch TV so it’s good.
Then to end the day, Supernatural’s new day is Wednesday night! Which I’m obviously quite excited about.
So yeah, that’s my Wednesdays.
How about you? What is your favorite day of the week?
So are you all know, recently I’ve been struggling with loneliness and just feeling sort of dissatisfied with how things are going this year. Which is silly, because really things are going swimmingly even if they’re not going exactly as I had wished. But last night, Carrie and I were talking after dinner about how though we know we’re in the places we’re supposed to be this year on campus, we’re still dissatisfied and happy with things and we just have the feeling for something different. We were both feeling this way and then after we split ways, we ended up both having incredible conversations with new friends about the work God is preparing us to do this year. It was cool. I ended up getting to talk to one of the guys on my new floor about his faith and how several of the other guys are really working at evangelizing to people and just fully loving them. He also told me that for several years in this dorm that there has been incredible male, Christian leadership but there’s been a lack of female Christians and that last year he was praying for a strong Christian girl to come over and voila, here I am. So that was incredible since I was so obviously called by God to be over here anyways. It’s also humbling to find out you are an answer to prayer.
So yeah, last night was super encouraging and incredible and then this morning at church the message seemed completely aimed at me and Carrie.
The pastor talked about how God shows us our need for His word through humbling circumstances in our lives. One example of this was when God led the Israelites into the wilderness to live for 40 years. He was testing them, to expose their true hearts and humble them. He wanted them to have real faith, not just have God as a crutch simply because He had always provided in the past. He wanted them to see exactly how much they needed Him. Man doesn’t live on bread alone, they need to live on everything God has to offer. It was really cool hearing that because clearly I’m not as bad off as the Israelites but I can sympathize with how they felt. Completely out of their comfort zone, away from things they’ve known and into where they had to fully depend on God for everything. Even their food, they didn’t have any, they ate manna that literally came from the word of God, if God hadn’t spoken that food into existence each day they would have starved, but He did. He always provides. I really see a parallel of that in my own life because now that I’m away from the people I’ve depended on, my crutch, so to speak, I have to depend on His next move, not just trying to make my own way.
If we don’t feel like we have to have God for everything, if we feel like we can do anything ourselves, we become proud and we forget to lean on God like we should. We need Him to just be God.
We have to risk it, sometimes, it’s going to be easier to just stay when it’s comfortable and familiar. You’ve been hurt before and you’re so scared of that happening again that you’ll just stay where you are to avoid the pain again. But God has a plan, just listen to what His will is. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt or disappointed again because God will make it work, He has a perfect plan and He will make everything right in the end.
Dear Future Husband,
Honestly, I’m still doing better waiting for you. Finally! This week I’ve really been just trying to focus on God’s plan for my life and for even more immediately, His plan for this semester and how I can just tell He’s gonna blow this campus away using all of us for Him. And I’m excited. :)
So that’s been cool, I’m pretty stoked to see what He’s gonna do this year and who knows, maybe I’ll even run into you this year?
Waiting as always,
From To My Future Spouse Tumblr:
– To you and only you, I am an open book What would you like to know?
– Sometimes I ache for you so much that it hurts. I see all of my friends getting engaged, and I want that same relationship for myself so badly. It gives me hope that someday that will be the same for us. I cannot wait until the day that we are united together as man and wife.
– I can’t wait to bless you, to serve you, to honor you.
I am already so proud of you, and I will tell you everyday.
Praying for you always.
– Right now, I’m feeling the pain and sorrow that comes from seeing other people so happily in love. I know that when you arrive in my life that all the past will disappear and all will seem right again, but it’s still painful right now. Simply put, I’m ready for you to be in my life. I’m just asking a few small things: be patient, I am not going to trust you right off the bat; don’t push me, I’m stubborn and pushing me is only going to make me dig in my heels; and love me, I promise, in time, I’ll love you back. I’m growing into a Proverbs 31 woman, but I’ll never be perfect. Sorry.
Your Future Wife.