One of you lovely subscribers the other day asked me to write a post about how I met my boyfriend – this is that post. :)
As most good things do, this story starts with Doctor Who. (No, I’m not kidding, I met almost all of my friends from this year because of Doctor Who.)
The first weekend of September, series 7 of Doctor Who premiered, Asylum of the Daleks. Several of my high school friends had driven up to watch it with me and we were having a great time in the basement of my dorm where the cable TV was. After hanging out there a while before it started, four people we didn’t know came down to watch it as well. They seemed pretty neat, we exchanged names (Blake, Sonjay, Ben and Hailey, were theirs). They seemed neat but after Doctor Who they went back to their respective rooms (I found out later they were all on the first floor and I was on the third) and I thought nothing of it again.
A month went by and it was a weekend I was prepared to be bored for. Literally everyone I had ever hung out with at my university had picked that weekend to go home, so I sat out in my lobby and prepared to watch TV and Tumblr for a couple of days. While I was out there, about 6 people came up the elevator and were going to play a card game with David, a guy on my floor who I knew somewhat and seemed cool. When they saw me sitting alone, they invited me to play with them, which then led to going to Burger King and hanging out. While at Burger King I found out they were all huge nerds, most of them into Doctor Who and all my other fandoms and we all had a lot in common. Through talking, I also found out that 4 of them were the 4 I had met that Doctor Who premiere.
After that night at Burger King, all of us hung out nearly every night and each weekend we would all have movie nights at Andrew and James’ apartment and just do nerdy stuff a lot.
I became close with a lot of them during that time, even dating Andrew briefly but that didn’t work out and we broke up just before Christmas break. During the break, I was lonely at home without people and took to texting several of the group nearly all the time. By the time we got back to school, we had all somehow become inseparable and if we weren’t in class or work or asleep (sometimes even while asleep…) we were in Michael’s single room, hanging out. We weren’t friends anymore, we had far surpassed that and became the closest of families.
If one of us needed anything, the others were there. I felt sick, Michael got me medicine, I was cold, Blake made me tea. We were all inseparable.
As the weeks passed, I started getting closer to Blake, learning his love of Doctor Who, Firefly, Star Wars, Supernatural, Sherlock and really everything I care about. At the end of January, when I decided to cut off my hair and leave a Padawan braid, Blake and I started going to the gym on campus, in the racquetball courts and lightsaber dueling intensely. After that we joined the fencing team (though after a while we got lazy and gave up there…) and through all that we got closer and closer.
After a while Hailey told me she and Sonjay thought he liked me, but I didn’t believe her, why would he? Then our friend Becca, who was at a school 2 hours away so she wasn’t even with us, wrote on my wall, “Dearest Hope, please marry Blake for me.”, which got liked by all of our group, I was still doubtful, then my coworker Jenni, who didn’t know any of my friends, just based on stories told me, “Hope, within a few weeks you’ll be dating that boy.” I told her no way and forgot about it,
On Valentine’s Day, all of our group went to Applebees for dinner for “Single Awareness Day”, before we left, Blake gave me a Valentine he had made that was the single sweetest thing I’ve ever seen, incorporating my fandoms and just being adorable. I still was just ignoring the signs. Then, about a week later, Blake asked me on a date. I agreed, though still a bit wary, I didn’t believe in love after all, and if it existed, why would it happen to me?
I went anyways, we went to Noodles and Company for dinner and I had a great time. Afterwards, we became nearly inseparable, though I was still unwilling to call us a couple.
He asked me to be his girlfriend a few days later and I told him I liked him a lot but I was scared of relationships and that I was sorry. Being the amazing person he is, he told me to take as long as I needed and that he would be there waiting whenever I was ready.
I was ready February 23, 2013. I said I wanted to be his girlfriend and here, almost 8 months later, I’m in love.
It’s real and it’s happening to me and I’ve never been so happy.
These 8 months have been the happiest of my entire life.
I’m so done with school. We’re 4 days in and I’m already super stressed and just want to be done and have a billion things to read. NONE OF THIS EVEN MATTERS TO ME AT ALL.
I’m paying thousands of dollars out of pocket and a hundred dollars for books and supplies and I’m not even learning anything useful and I just feel like I’m wasting money and time.
And I’m going home this weekend and I feel literally sick to my stomach about it I hate going home and I don’t know why I agreed to do this. And now I guess my grandma is in the hospital so it’ll be even worse because I’ll just be at the hospital the whole time.
And apparently no one in my family even cares because I’ve been a senior for 4 days now and it hasn’t even been mentioned and I know they don’t actually care about me but they could at least try if they’re going to pull the sob story about how much I don’t care about them and act like they love me so much.
I’m just tired.. Tired of doing stuff. College is exhausting.
And so is missing people… I miss Blake so much it hurts. Skype doesn’t help, texting doesn’t help, I want to be back in his arms. I want to stop feeling this pain and just be with him and be happy again.
Ok so it’s finals week which honestly is my favorite week of the year. I know that sounds crazy but as stressful as a week full of tests is, in college there are no classes during finals week so it’s better than many times during the year. I have 4 finals this week but several times during the year I had classes all week, 4 tests and quizzes and papers also due so while cumulative finals or getting a certain grade can be very stressful, it could and has been way worse.
Today however was worse than usual, I hadn’t yet taken any of my finals, one opened online today, one is online on Thursday and two are on Friday. The one that opened today was the cause of my stress and pain. ASDFKHDSKFHASDFKHSDFH. I’m still not over it. But ok, so this class, Urban Sociology, WORST TEACHER I HAVE EVER EVEN HEARD OF!!! Here’s the breakdown of the class: 2 papers and a final. 40 readings for the whole class time, 50+ pages each. The teacher failed us all on the first paper, later decided he couldn’t do that so he changed them all to Ds, we don’t have the grade for the last paper and the final was comprehensive, 37 questions over all of the readings with no study guide. THAT IS OVER 900 PAGES TO READ FOR 37 QUESTIONS!!!! So I was super nervous going into taking that but decided to go ahead and get it over with.
It was this evening after dinner, around 7:30, studied for a bit, sitting in the basement with Andrew and Tia who were also studying. Halfway through my test, about to cry from stress, pretty sure I still have no idea what I’m doing when all the sudden we smell smoke. At first we assume it was a guy that randomly came downstairs right as we started smelling it. Then the smell grew and we saw RAs running around frantically. We decided at this point we should probably go outside, about halfway up the stairs the fire alarms go off so our whole building evacuates. FOR AN HOUR. WHILE I’M SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING A TIMED TEST BUT THE INTERNET WON’T WORK OUTSIDE.
Yeah, apparently the trash room on the first floor caught fire due to faulty wiring but once we finally were allowed back and inside I went back to my test that had 30 minutes left on it and finished it. I still have no clue how I did and feel that it’s a very real possibility I could have failed it and possibly failed the class. *BREATHE HOPE*
Because of this, I kind of had an emotional breakdown. I had finished it sitting in Blake and Sonjay’s room while Blake play a game on the computer and Andrew continued his studying. After I finished Andrew and Sonjay went to go study elsewhere and I flopped down on Blake’s bed in anguish. Being the best boyfriend anyone could ask for, he paused his game, hugged me and then suggested we watch an episode of Supernatural together. I agreed and he played it and went back to his game. I thought I was ok, I really did and I tried to be but then I kept thinking of how much I fail and how I suck at really everything, the next time Blake looked back at me moments later, he could tell I wasn’t ok and saw I was about to burst into tears any second. He paused his game again and Supernatural, sat on his bed with me and just held me, telling me it was ok to cry (Though I’ve now trained myself to never cry so only a few tears escaped). We sat that way a little bit and he reminded me that what’s done is done and I did the best I could. By this time I was feeling a little better but he decided to take it further and drive me to McDonald’s and buy me a chocolate milkshake and an apple pie (No guys, this sounds nice but you don’t know that PIE IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER AND I WOULD PROBABLY KILL FOR IT). We sat in his car and ate our pies and drank our milkshakes then returned to the dorms and watched the rest of the Supernatural episode.
So yeah, moral of the story.. I’m still worried I failed but I did try my best and somehow I’ve found the most amazing boyfriend ever. Who will pause a video game just to make sure I’m ok when I’m being stupid.
This was the last weekend here before most people leave for the summer.
From past experiences this also means this was the last weekend that people care. Everyone always promises things will be the same and we’ll all stay friends but I’m always forgotten anyways. The rest of the group usually does but I’m unimportant, easily forgotten and never talked to.
I don’t want that to happen again. My friends from this year are the best I’ve ever had and for just once I want it to stay that way.
I told myself not to care again but its too late for that now.
I want to just enjoy the few days I have left but I can’t stop worrying. It’s ridiculous.
I haven’t written in a while I know, and apparently this is my 3 year anniversary on this site (Lucky that I randomly logged in today, eh?) so congratulations to me!
I’m not as active as I once was but I’m thankful to have this to come and write my random thoughts, even if only a few people see them it’s still a nice idea to have.
Anyways, my junior year of college is winding down, in about 2 hours I’ll have my last class of the semester and then next Thursday I’ll have my first final (with 3 then on Friday) and after that I’ll be moving out of the dorms on Saturday.
My feelings on this are quite bittersweet, as they always are at the end of the year. I’m excited to be done with work, I’m quite burnt out on school work right now and definitely need the break but once more I’ll be separated from my friends for a few months.
Like last summer, I’ll be staying up in my college town and working full-time. I’ll be moving into my own apartment this year because the dorms aren’t letting seniors return for overflow purposes. So, for the first time I’ll be completely on my own. My parents no longer provide for me in any way, I’ll have my own place, pay my own rent and as of last week I’m now paying for my cell phone as well. It’s a nice feeling but certainly a scary one.
Fortunately, making things a bit easier with all these changes, unlike last year I’ll have friends staying here with me. Six of my close friends, Sonjay, Tia, Devon, Alex, Matt and Kendra will be staying up here as well which will give me people to hang out with and will hopefully reduce my loneliness and bouts with depression that I struggle with so much when I’m alone. I do of course wish that more people from my main group I hang out with this year would be there, especially my boyfriend of course but I think it will be a good summer regardless, and I’ll still get to talk to them and hopefully see them some throughout the summer.
I’m determined to make this one a good year. It’s my last summer before I graduate, before I have to actually be an adult and such and I plan on making the most of it.
I’ll keep you updated. :)
P.S. Iron Man 3 premiere was last weekend and is ONE OF THE MOST PERFECT MOVIES I’VE EVER SEEN. And tonight is the Great Gatsby premiere! Yeah!
The future is coming quickly, it’s a just a year and a month til I graduate, til I’m done with formal education forever. I know what I want to do, I want to be on the police force in my college town, at least for a bit, maybe move onto more law enforcement later but that’s mostly it. I know that, but I’m still terrified. I have a plan but the fact that I’m almost completely on my own, I’m moving into my first apartment, out of the dorms next month and it scares me.
How did this happen? How did I get to be an adult? A 21-year-old, with an awesome boyfriend, working and paying for college on my own, about to move out into the real world depending completely on myself. I need to save for a car. I need to focus fully on school now that I’m at the end. I need to be the person I’m supposed to be, the person God wants me to be. I need to put God first in my life, above all else, I need to trust.
Growing up is weird, I have a month before I move into my apartment now. This summer will certainly be better than last, I’ll have an actual home instead of living on someone’s couch, I’ll still be working at the same place and be away from my family (which is a blessing) but this summer I’ll have friends up here with me and won’t be alone. I don’t feel like an adult still though, will that ever happen? Will I ever feel independent of people?
I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things. I’m scared. The future is terrifying but God is in control. I’m blessed. I don’t know what’ll happen next year, whether I’ll get the policing job I want. I don’t know. But I do know God loves me and will provide. He’s given me a family of friends that means the world to me and He’ll never abandon me.
And that is comforting.
I do not feel productive right now. I have an online midterm to take before Sunday and a one page double space paper to write before tomorrow but I can’t seem to motivate myself. I’m sitting at work, which would give me plenty of time to finish the paper but instead I’m re-watching an episode of Supernatural. And of course writing this blog post. And being on Tumblr.
Ahhh…. I don’t even want to go on Spring Break because of going home and stuff but I’m sooooo ready to have a break. To sleep, not go to class or work and hopefully just not have too terrible of time. I wish my friends lived closer though but hopefully my sister and I will get some good time together.
Meh… Someone write this paper for me. Do not want.