I know this sounds silly, but the reason 11 is and always will be my favorite Doctor is this, he feels worthless like I do. He jokes and laughs and acts ridiculous nearly all the time to mask his pain and insecurity, which if you know me in real life is what I do quite often. People who don’t really know me, would really never know anything was wrong, I hide it well. And it is true laughter and I do have fun and stuff but I laugh harder and throw myself into other things that make me happy to cover up the pain and the hurt of the past, of people leaving and of feeling worthless which I think is what he does too.
He laughs and is ridiculous most of the time, but then there are times like these, times when he’s so sad, and so upset and feels like nothing he’s ever done is good enough because he’s failed, he’s hurt people, people have hurt him, he’s been left, he’s broken but still he cares about everyone. It doesn’t matter to him how hurt he is because other people are more important, he wants to save everyone, no matter what the personal cost to himself because he doesn’t matter, he’s worthless but everyone else isn’t, they all matter.
“In 900 years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important.”
He cares about everyone else and so do I. We don’t care about ourselves because we don’t matter, but everyone else does. That’s how I feel and that’s how I think he feels, 11 has moved on from the other regenerations, he’s tired and feels useless, helpless and worthless but he’s going to keep fighting for others, for his friends.
“My friends have always been the best of me.”
“But what people don’t realize is that, when it comes to fictional characters, they are just as real to us as our friends or lovers or siblings or parents. It doesn’t matter that we can’t touch them or visit them or engage with them in conversation, what matters is that they’ve made an impact on our lives and that is what makes them real.”
This weekend’s episode of Doctor Who saw the final story for the Ponds, the return of the Weeping Angels and a time where Steven Moffat once again broke my heart. I went home this weekend with a friend and was therefore unable to watch the episode until last night instead of Saturday when it aired but it was worth the wait. While of course my heart is completely broken by the departure of the Ponds and who knows when I’ll be emotionally ok again, in my opinion it was a very well done episode. The Angels were terrifying as usual and from about the half-way point on, I was in tears which NEVER happens, especially not when I’m with people (Which I was). It was brilliant however as Moffat’s episodes always are and besides being emotional, confusing and terrifying, it was also witty and had moments where I laughed out loud. One such moment made me crack a smile but then immediately tear up again because of the Pond feels I was having, “I always wanted to visit the Statue of Liberty, I guess she got impatient.”
So yeah, I can’t even really write coherently right now because I’m still in recovery from that episode, all the emotions it brought and how like I recently wrote about I am going to miss Amy and Rory (And Karen and Arthur) so incredibly much. They’re forever seared on my heart.
“Hello old friend, and here we are. You and me, on the last page. By the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone. So know that we lived well, and we’re very happy. And above all else, know that we will love you, always. Sometimes I do worry about you, though. I think, once we’re gone, you won’t be coming back here for a while, and you might be alone, which you should never be. Don’t be alone, Doctor. And do one more thing for me. There’s a little girl waiting in a garden. She’s going to wait a long while, so she’s going to need a lot of hope. Go to her. Tell her a story. Tell her that if she’s patient, the days are coming that she’ll never forget. Tell her she’ll go to sea and fight pirates. She’ll fall in love with a man who’ll wait two thousand years to keep her safe. Tell her she’ll give hope to the greatest painter who ever lived, and save a whale in outer space. Tell her, this is the story of Amelia Pond. And this is how it ends.”
~ Amelia Jessica Pond – The Angels Take Manhattan
In continuation from yesterday’s post about my distress about the departure of Amy and Rory on Doctor Who this weekend:
The death or departure of beloved fictional characters always pains me emotionally but I realized earlier why the departure of the Ponds is more painful than that of the rest of the Doctor Who companions. Since I watched series 1-5 of Doctor Who in a 3 week span two years ago, the other companions I knew for a few days or at most a week or so, Amy and Rory are the ones I’ve been with, having to waits weeks or months for their next episode, I couldn’t just click “next” on Netflix to watch their next adventure, I had to wait. I became the other girl who waited, the girl who waited for them and for the Doctor. That’s I think why they’re my companions, and why Matt is my Doctor. Because they’re the ones I’ve been with the longest, the ones I fell the most in love with.
And though I am looking forward to meeting the new companion, played by Jenna Louise Coleman, Amy and Rory will always have a special place in my heart. As the Doctor said on Saturday in The Power of Three, “You were the first face this face saw. You’re seared on my hearts”, that’s how I feel about them too and I’m going to miss them.
For anyone who keeps up with Doctor Who, you probably know that it’s just a few more days until The Angels Take Manhattan, the mid-season finale and the episode that will with absolute certainty leave me in a puddle of tears on the floor.
Doctor Who has meant a lot to me for about 2 years now and like all fictional worlds that hold my heart, the characters in the show are equally important to me. This next week will see the end of Rory Williams and Amy Pond, my two all time favorite companions. This new series has been excellent thus far and while I’m looking forward to the new episode, I’m also dreading it because I know how emotional it will be. There’s been foreshadowing in the episodes up til this point and of course it’s been known for quite some time that they would be leaving in this Weeping Angels episode and head writer Steven Moffat confirmed that at least one of the two would die. This will mark the end of Team TARDIS, of the amazing chemistry the “Karen and the Babes” members of this cast has. Karen Gillan, Matt Smith and Arthur Darvill are not just the actors that portray these dear characters but through their years on this show, they’ve all grown to be best friends and people that I look up to and can always count on being entertained by in interviews. They’re the three that I know I would be friends with if the situation could occur, they’re quirky, nerdy and every bit as wonderful and flawless as their characters. Not only are they brilliant but they’re just as big of fans of the show as I am and knowing how much filming this episode tore them up emotionally is making it harder on me as well. All three of them said they had cried during the filming and there’s a heartbreaking video of Matt breaking down in tears reading the script.
I’m looking forward to Saturday but I know it’ll hurt as well.
“You know when grown-ups tell you everything’s going to be fine and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? The Angels Take Manhattan in four days. Everything’s going to be fine.”
~ The Doctor Who Twitter 9/25/2012
As you all know by now, there are several things that I love with all of my heart, two of those things are of course fictional characters and Doctor Who. So I decided to do some posts regarding why I love specific fictional characters and why they mean what they do to me.
Today’s post (As is obvious I hope by the title) is about the Doctor and why I love him as much as I do.
With the new season of Doctor Who starting up recently and with it getting closer to the Pond’s final episode, I’m getting more and more emotionally invested in this show. Anyways, not the point.
The point here is how much I love the Doctor. Now I figure that’s a pretty obvious character to love, I mean, he’s brilliant, funny, saves the world in each episode, what’s not to love right? (Unless of course you’re a Dalek.) But my love for the Doctor goes deeper than that, I love him in his bad times too, the times when he’s hurt and sad and lonely and angry but not only do I love him for those things, I can connect to him more than I can with a lot of other fictional characters. Obviously I can’t connect on a complete level, I’m not a brilliant alien who saves the world, and I haven’t destroyed races and planets, but when the Doctor, especially the 11th Doctor is being ridiculous, it’s reminiscent of what I do. Most of the times, he’s the most ridiculous person ever, making everyone smile, going out of his way to help people and causing random shenanigans but when you really look into his character and think about it, he’s not always that happy, sure, sometimes he is but some of the times, I think he acts that way because if he’s not acting ridiculous, he’ll be so incredibly sad and lonely that he honestly can’t stand it. Some people don’t understand that feeling but I do completely. People who know me in real life, people who just know me on the surface, would probably say those things about me, that I’m ridiculous and caring and would do anything for others, those things are all true and I really am one of the most ridiculous people around, but sometimes I am ridiculous for those same reasons, because the hurt and loneliness will catch up to me otherwise, I have to be ridiculous, or else I’ll be incredibly sad.
And that, along with countless other reasons is why I not only love the Doctor with my whole heart but why I can also connect to him, because I understand him.
DOCTOR WHO IS BACK! And it’s better than ever!
As many of you know, last night was the Series 7 premiere of Doctor Who. After waiting for 8 months I think the majority of us Whovians were just grateful to have it back but in my opinion that was one of the best episodes I’ve ever seen!
Daleks, divorce, zombie Daleks, souffle and an interesting look into a new character. Wow. My mind was absolutely blown!
It was incredible because 4 of my friends from back home came to visit me and watch it with me and also 2 of my friends here at school joined me in the watching party. We were completely enthralled with the episode from the first second and hardly a word was spoken til the end because we were so entranced by the magic that is the Doctor.
Steven Moffat has done again what he is best at, made a completely flawless episode that made me laugh, cry and fall more in love with these fictional characters than ever.
This will be a great (Though heartbreaking) series.
Dear future husband,
As I’m sure you know about me whenever (if you ever) read this. I’m a huge nerd. Whoever you are, you’re just going to have to accept that about me. I will always love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Doctor Who and I will not apologize for that. :) I’m hoping you will like them as well (or at least will be willing to learn to like them) seeing as they mean so much to me I’m not sure I could bear being with someone who didn’t at least give them a chance. I’ll love you first and foremost darling but I will always love the fictional characters from those stories, they’ve gotten me through a lot while I’m waiting for you.
Another thing I should say, and again, you’ll find this out very soon after meeting me but I can’t cook. I admit that I could perhaps learn to cook and for you my love, I’d be willing to try but the few times I’ve tried before have not gone well. Just a warning. I can make cookies and mac and cheese, I hope you don’t expect much more than that.
One last thing for the day, and again, you’ll know this if you know me at all but my past has left me scarred. I’ve been hurt and forgotten and unloved. I don’t expect those scars to go away but please, help me get through the hurt. Teach me how to trust in love and believe in it. In my heart I know it’s out there, I know God created this longing I have inside to love and be loved but I don’t see it anywhere and sometimes have trouble believing it’s there. I’m sorry for that but please, prove me wrong. I can’t promise that I’ll never mess up but I promise I’ll always be there for you to love and care for you.
From To My Future Spouse Tumblr:
– I have just discovered that waiting and being patient are not the same things. While I wait for you, I will try to remember that “it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” I will try to be happy and content and joyful instead of pine or be envious. I pray that God can help you to be patient too.
– My only New Year’s resolution is to meet you.
– Show me what real, unconditional love looks like.
– I want a Lily and Marshall kind of love.