I’ve been afraid of letting myself feel for a long time, feelings scare me and I’ve been trying to just not feel anything. I told people that I don’t believe in love (And I still really don’t) but I told them that if someone could prove me wrong, I would accept it and be glad they could prove me wrong. I’m not sure I ever believed myself though, I just assumed no one would ever try and prove me wrong so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.
But maybe I was wrong.. Maybe people do care and maybe someone out there could deal with my flaws and think I’m beautiful and care about me.
And maybe they can stop me from feeling afraid and give me someone to care about and like and be happy with.
Maybe there’s something out there after all..
As I mentioned several posts ago, everything this semester is going super well and I’ve been hanging out with my friends a ton.
In the past week, that has just gotten more true. Our friend Michael’s roommate moved out at semester and he didn’t get another one so we have all literally just decided to basically move in. If I’m not asleep, at work or class, I’m in Michael’s room (Or at least with that group!) Michael, Blake, Sonjay, David, Hailey, Tia, Taylor, Andrew, James and I hang out all the time. Every single night at least those of us that live in the dorm (All but Andrew, James and Taylor) hang out and generally the others come too and it’s awesome. I’m back to little sleep and a lot of fun and honestly, though I’ve been averaging at most 5 hours of sleep, it’s always worth it. I can sleep when I’m older, when I’m away from these people and not constantly surrounded by friends that are my new family. I know I’ll always have these memories.
In addition, I cut off all my hair again last week and left a Star Wars Padawan braid, because of this decision, I have now been taking my plastic lightsaber everywhere with me and so has Blake. The amount of lightsaber duels we’ve had all over the dorm and in Walmart and at the Gym this week has been phenomenal. And we’re actually getting pretty good at it. :)
I literally have the coolest family of friends ever.
I apologize for my lack of updating as of late but finals week is currently happening and “dead week” (aka the teacher’s try to kill you with work week) was last week so for once I’ve actually been not procrastinating (as much) and have put my school work (and my friends) ahead of other things (like this blog).
Anyways, to pick up where my last update left off, just after I posted my last update, to continue the fun from our adventures, after my school’s home football game, Andrew texted me and David and told us we should come hang out, unfortunately neither of us have a car so we went to track someone down. Ben was going to bed (I mean, it was almost 1am by this point but who needs sleep? I can sleep when I’m dead.), Hailey was going to hang out with some other friends and everyone else with a car had something else to do (Mostly sleep…) so after searching for a while we finally convinced Blake that he should not stay up doing nothing and watching TV and should drive us. He did, and by the time we got to Andrew’s it was nearly 2am, we stayed there for a while as Andrew, David, Blake and James (Andrew’s roommate) played Super Smash Bros (And I watched due to lack of controllers) and then watched Avatar: The Last Airbender as they played Magic: The Gathering (Their main obsession in life). It was funny because while playing Super Smash, Blake told one of them to stop playing like a girl, then immediately realized that I was there and he should apologize. Considering I have a pure hatred of 95% of the female population my response was, “Are you kidding me? I’m more sexist against women than most guys I know!” Being the amazing boyfriend he is and having a lot of the same opinions as I do, Andrew just turned to look at me and said, “Hope, I like you so much.” This all went on for a while until about 4:30 when David and I were like “Um, guys, we have to wake up about 8:30 for church…” so we left. (Like I said, I can sleep when I’m dead).
The next few days were uneventful until Tuesday after I got done with class and Hailey and I went to finally go get my bellybutton pierced! Surprisingly, though I was terrified beforehand it didn’t hurt at all and I really like it! When we got back, Hailey, Sonjay, Michael, Ben and I went to dinner and then the 5 of us plus David and Becca and Tia (Who I had just met at dinner) all went on our weekly swimming adventure to the University’s pool.
Thursday night, I went to my student ministry Navigators as usual (And gave the announcements because I’m an official MC now!!) and afterwards I got a text from Hailey saying that they were all (Her, David, Ben, Sonjay and Blake) going over to Andrew’s to watch a movie if I wanted to ride with them (The answer of course was yes, though fortunately for once I didn’t have classes Friday so it didn’t matter how late I stayed up!) so we went, hung out there and stayed until about 3.
Friday night, Carrie and I ate dinner together and then went to my friend Allie’s Christmas party and giggled and decorated cookies and colored out of coloring books (we’re totally adults guys, it’s fine!). Then Allie was like, “Check out this ginormous stocking I have! Two people will fit inside!” So of course Carrie and I being the mature, completely normal people we are got inside…
After that, we went back and I went bowling with David, Hailey, Michael, Ben, Sonjay, Blake and Tia (And by bowling I mean they were bowling and I didn’t want to spend money and I suck at bowling so I just hung out) and then went to Burger King.
Saturday was mostly spent studying (And thinking a lot about the Hobbit) until about 10 when I got a text from Andrew (who was also bored of studying) saying that they wanted to make pancakes and did I want to come (As you can all tell by this point, I don’t say no to hanging out really) so he, James and Ben picked me up and we went to his apartment where we were later joined by Sonjay and Blake. After our late night pancakes, we watched the movie Rat Race then decided to watch random things on Netflix. Sonjay and Ben decided about 2:30 that they were tired and should go to bed but Blake and I decided we should stay. After a while James went to bed too so Andrew and I were kinda cuddling on the couch with Blake sitting next to Andrew (Andrew asked if he wanted to cuddle with us but for some reason he said he’d pass…:P) then about 4 Andrew looked over and was like, “Um, Hope. What time do you have to get up for church?” I replied 8:40 and he of course asked with a bit of concern if I would be ok, the answer was yes, I can sleep when I’m dead.
Since then I’ve been studying, working a bit and I’ve taken 5 of my 6 finals (The last final is in about 4 hours, I’m SO ready to be done! And then I’ll stay at school til Friday evening!). Last night, I went to bed early (at 10:30, so we’re talking EXTREMELY early), not because I was tired but because I simply was bored of studying and had nothing else to do. Then (fortunately my phone was on), Andrew texted me about 11:30 and asked if I wanted to go get something to eat with all of them. The answer was yes and that proves just how much I like this kid, I woke up, got out of my bunk bed and changed out of my pajamas to go hang out with them. :) He’s worth it though. After eating Ben wanted to continue hanging with James and Andrew and though I had to work this morning at 8 I said I wanted to as well. So we went to Andrew’s apartment, watched Futurama (as Andrew and I were cuddling on the couch some more. :D) and stayed until 3-ish. So yes, again I got roughly 4 hours of sleep but it’s ok. After my final at 2pm I have nothing else to do and can sleep and hang out til I go home Friday.
Basically, this is the story of my life right now, and I regret nothing.
No this post title is not a reference to the brilliantly, fantastic, cartoon children’s show on Cartoon Network that I’ve recently gotten addicted too, it’s about my own life adventures. :D But for future reference, Adventure Time is by far one of the best shows currently on.
So this weekend started off with me having absolutely no plans and kind of expecting to be bored the whole time. As has proved true in the past, this keeps turning out to be the best way to start a weekend because spontaneous adventures are more fun!
So yesterday, I went to work and while being kind of bored at work, my supervisor Ben (Who is not my usual supervisor, he’s usually in a different part of the office but our normal one was out for the day) started teasing me about my excitement for the Hobbit (You guys for real have no idea, it’s getting weird and over the top and scaring people, TWELVE MORE DAYS!!!!!) and then randomly got on the subject of Gangnam style. Yes, the Korean singer/dancer Psy has kind of exploded with popularity and nearly everyone knows the song and dance to Gangnam style but I wasn’t quite expecting Ben to reference it, but then it got better because he was complaining about how he couldn’t do part of the dance so he tried to practice, at the front of our office, then somehow convinced me to as well, definitely a humorous way for one’s office time to go. Then about 4:40, 20 minutes before our office closes and we get to leave, Ben asked us all if we wanted to leave early. Naturally we said yes (after we clarified that he wasn’t trolling us) and he let us leave!
After that my Friday not got incredibly boring and for a while I was worried about the direction my life was going because I literally spent two hours going through my iTunes and making sure all my 2,000 songs had album artwork. Wow, really, Hope, kudos to you, you successfully spent your first Friday night as a 21-year-old in the most boring way possible.
But that all changed when the fire nation attacked. I mean, then around 11, Andrew messaged me on Facebook saying that Ben, Sonjay and Hailey were getting ready to come to his apartment and that David and I should come over with them immediately. We did so of course and got there, made macaroni and cheese (With Phineas and Ferb and Spongebob shapes of course), watched the show Archer (Inappropriate at times but hilarious), played some Super Smash Bros. (You will never understand how terrible at that game I am… but I’m getting better now.), played a board game called Ticket To Ride and watched Fullmetal Alchemist (Yep, getting into Anime now, you know, I really wasn’t enough of a nerd before, we must go NERDIER!! :P). After that we mostly just talked and looked up humorous YouTube videos for a bit until around 4am when we decided maybe it was time for us all to leave and come back to the dorms so we could sleep.
Today after waking up about noon, I prepared to go with my Hailey to go get my bellybutton pierced. WHAT. Yeah, you know, it’s been since July since I got a spontaneous piercing, I need another one right? Well, what happened was Hailey suggested it the other day and when I asked why she asked why not and I had no good answer and then she offered for it to be my birthday/Christmas present so I accepted. However, upon our arrival at the tattoo parlor, we were informed that the piercing person was out sick today, so we went and grabbed some ice cream and window shopped for a bit before being anxiously texted by Ben saying that they were ready for us all to go swimming and we should come back and get ready immediately
Ben, Hailey, Michael, Blake, Sonjay, Diamond and I got all ready to go swimming and were excited but then when trying to go into the building found out that due to our home football game today the pool was closed. A bit disheartened we started to leave when Sonjay said, “Guys, we’re dressed for an adventure, we have to find one.” In a rare moment of being decisive, I said, “You guys are all freshman, have you ever been to Manhattan Hill?”, the majority of them had not so I said that we needed to go immediately. We went and instead of just sitting on the letters that say Manhattan and enjoying the view as I have always done before, we all decided that we should go exploring fully in the forest (While still in our swimming clothes and flip-flops. Though most of us ditched the shoes and went barefoot down and eventually back up the rocky path.). While this may not seem like the smartest idea, it was actually the best. Oh man, like literally top 5 days of my life. I’m so blessed by this new group of friends, I can’t even tell you.
The beginning of this semester I was so sad and lonely and Carrie was really my only friend that I was in consistent contact with (By the way, the reason she was not involved with my adventurous weekend is she’s in marching band and as the last home football game is this weekend, she doesn’t have a life unfortunately. :( ) but now I have this new awesome group and a boyfriend who is awesome and great (And he wasn’t there today because of the football game and tailgating and such) and I’m just so blessed and thankful and I take these things for granted way to often but God is good and did have a plan all along and is amazing at filling my heat’s needs and desires.
Thank you, God. :)
Well, since today is now officially my last day of summer before tomorrow when I move into my dorm and go home to my college town and have all kinds of crazy awesome adventures, it’s about dang time I share with you guys my summer playlist. It’s not like I at first just sat down and was like, these songs will be the soundtrack to Summer 2012 but these ended up being almost the only songs I listened to all summer, they’re just the happy, summer kind of song that is exciting to listen to as one bikes to and from work each morning in the heat and needs to get pumped up! :)
So yeah, if anyone cares (Well, it’ll be here whether you care or not actually) here is my Summer 2012 Playlist!
(These are in absolutely no order by the way.)
1. Fluorescent Adolescent – Arctic Monkeys
2. I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor – Arctic Monkeys
3. Sail – AWOLNATION
4. You are So Beautiful – Escape the Fate
5. Mushaboom – Feist
6. The entire “Torches” CD by Foster the People
7. The entire “Some Nights” CD by fun. AH. I’m obsessed with them right now.
8. All The Pretty Girls – fun.
9. The entire “Never Trust a Happy Song” CD by Grouplove. (Ironically most of the songs are quite happy.)
10. Ooh La – The Kooks
11. Love Me Dead – Ludo
12. Midnight City – M83
13. The entire “Overexposed” CD by Maroon 5. (I’ve never been a huge Maroon 5 CD but I’m in love with this album!!)
14. Daylight – Matt and Kim
15. Electric Feel – MGMT
16. She’s Got You High – Mumm-ra
17. Little Talks – Of Monsters and Men
18. Sleepyhead – Passion Pit
19. Lisztomania – Phoenix
20. The Way We Get By – Spoon
21. Chelsea Dagger – The Fratellis
22. Kill the Director – The Wombats
23. Vagabond – Wolfmother
24. Not exactly upbeat but the entire “Sigh No More” CD by Mumford & Sons has been on my list of always listen to for over a year now. My all time favorite CD ever.
25. I Will Wait – Mumford & Sons (Admittedly not on my list all summer because it just came out but I can’t stop listening to it!!)
This entire weekend, starting Thursday night has been some of the absolute best days of my life. Definitely the highlight of my summer and completely how summer should be.
It sort of started on Wednesday actually, when I celebrated 4th of July with my friends Ryan and Jiayi who were both on my dorm floor this past year. The three of us had gotten together to watch Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, eat pizza and finally watch the gorgeous fireworks that our city put on. While we were hanging out that afternoon I got a phone call from Carrie, one of my closest friends in this world and one I hadn’t seen since the end of the school year. She had Thursday and Friday of this week off and was missing me as much as I was missing her so she called to ask if she could come visit from Kansas City (About 2 hours away). The answer of course was yes so Thursday after I got off work she picked me up so that the two of us and Jiayi could hang out.
We spent the evening eating pizza and watching Iron Man at my apartment, going back up to Manhattan Hill (A hill that looks over the entire city of Manhattan, has the letters to Manhattan on the hill where you can sit on them and is a perfect place to just sit and enjoy friends and/or God’s creations.) and then going to the nearby dam where we played in a field in the dark and watched the water. After those adventures, Carrie and I went back to my apartment and sat outside it for a while catching up on everything. It was decided that the next morning (I don’t work Fridays, thankfully!) we would go on a walk around campus then the two of us, Jiayi and our friend Soo would go on a picnic and go swimming in a popular lake nearby.
On our walk around campus Friday morning, we enjoyed taking pictures, of each other and of the gorgeous campus, then we visited our old dorm and sat in there and reminisced a while. After that, we went and played in the sprinklers out front (Hey, it was 105 degrees Fahrenheit ok?) then walked around a bit more before sticking our heads in a fountain to cool down again. About that time it was time for our picnic, so we picked up the other two and drove out and had a wonderful time. Once that was over, Carrie and I went back to my apartment, got cleaned up and went to go get the top cartilage of our ears pierced, something that had been on my bucket list for years and something she had just convinced her parents to let her do. Once that was accomplished (We love them by the way!), we went to a movie party with my Bible study and watched Despicable Me and had a tremendous time.
Sadly, Carrie had to work on Saturday at 1pm so she left fairly early in the morning but it was definitely a much-needed time to spend together and we enjoyed every second of it! Saturday I didn’t have much to do so I expected it to be a bit of a lazy day but then my new friend Megan invited me over to her apartment to watch Mulan and eat tacos. I of course accepted and after that was done, was invited to a play in the river/campfire with some of the people from my Bible study. We hiked out on a path through the woods to go to part of the river close by that most of us didn’t know existed. We made hot dogs and s’mores over the fire, played in the water and after a while, all layed down in the sand to watch the stars and talk for about 2 hours.
Today I just went to church and then was rather lazy the rest of the time but this weekend has truly been the best, it was exactly what I needed and in my opinion is exactly how summer should be. Time outside with friends and lots of pictures taken. :)
I hope all of you have had a marvelous weekend as well!
P.S. This is my 500th post! Thanks for reading all of these guys, you are all amazing!
So, not much of consequence has happened this week (Other than my laptop breaking of course, which I wrote about yesterday!) but several interesting/entertaining stories that I thought worth sharing have, so, without further ado, please enjoy my random stories of my life!
– Yesterday at work, conversation between me and a caller:
Me: Thank you for calling K-State student financial aid, this is Hope. How may I help you?
Caller: WHAT? What is your name!?
Caller: Help? Like h-e-l-p?
Me: No, sir, Hope. H-o-p-e.
Caller: Oooh… Ok.
– As I had mentioned in a previous post, I have a Bible study this summer made up of the people that are left in my college town for the summer. I didn’t actually know any of the members but I went last week and quite enjoyed it. I didn’t get to go this week because at that time I was on the phone about my laptop, but later Tuesday night, one of the girls texted me that all the girls in the study were having a picnic the following (as in Wednesday, last) night and would I like to come. Seeing how I’ve been severely lacking in human contact and I like picnics I said I would love to come so after work last night, I met up with them and we had a picnic beside a lovely little creek that was absolutely gorgeous! It was a lot of fun and all the girls seem really nice and I was quite glad to now have some friends!
– Today, FedEx shipping delivered a box for me from Staples so I could ship my laptop. After work I walked down to FedEx to ship it off. I shipped it and got it off fine but just as I was walking in I was stopped by a tall, extremely tattooed and pierced man saying I had pretty hair. I thanked him as I started to walk away but was then stopped again by him introducing himself, asking my name and then my age. When I told him I was 20 he then said, “Aw dang, well, see ya!” It was quite odd and quite unexpected!
– After FedEx, since Burger King is conveniently located behind FedEx, I decided to go try their new Bacon ice cream sundae. When I heard about it, my initial reaction was, “WHOA! Bacon and ice cream!? Literally the two best foods in the entire world put together? Why didn’t I think of that?! Turns out, my reaction was correct! It’s delicious. A heart attack waiting to happen certainly, but delicious nonetheless.
Now, I’m about to go to one of my new friends from last night’s apartment to watch the season premieres of the wonderful USA Network shows “Suits” and “Burn Notice”. Then it’s a 3 day weekend for me because I won’t be working most Fridays during the summer because if I did it would put me at overtime.
I hope you’re all having lovely weeks as well! :)