One of you lovely subscribers the other day asked me to write a post about how I met my boyfriend – this is that post. :)
As most good things do, this story starts with Doctor Who. (No, I’m not kidding, I met almost all of my friends from this year because of Doctor Who.)
The first weekend of September, series 7 of Doctor Who premiered, Asylum of the Daleks. Several of my high school friends had driven up to watch it with me and we were having a great time in the basement of my dorm where the cable TV was. After hanging out there a while before it started, four people we didn’t know came down to watch it as well. They seemed pretty neat, we exchanged names (Blake, Sonjay, Ben and Hailey, were theirs). They seemed neat but after Doctor Who they went back to their respective rooms (I found out later they were all on the first floor and I was on the third) and I thought nothing of it again.
A month went by and it was a weekend I was prepared to be bored for. Literally everyone I had ever hung out with at my university had picked that weekend to go home, so I sat out in my lobby and prepared to watch TV and Tumblr for a couple of days. While I was out there, about 6 people came up the elevator and were going to play a card game with David, a guy on my floor who I knew somewhat and seemed cool. When they saw me sitting alone, they invited me to play with them, which then led to going to Burger King and hanging out. While at Burger King I found out they were all huge nerds, most of them into Doctor Who and all my other fandoms and we all had a lot in common. Through talking, I also found out that 4 of them were the 4 I had met that Doctor Who premiere.
After that night at Burger King, all of us hung out nearly every night and each weekend we would all have movie nights at Andrew and James’ apartment and just do nerdy stuff a lot.
I became close with a lot of them during that time, even dating Andrew briefly but that didn’t work out and we broke up just before Christmas break. During the break, I was lonely at home without people and took to texting several of the group nearly all the time. By the time we got back to school, we had all somehow become inseparable and if we weren’t in class or work or asleep (sometimes even while asleep…) we were in Michael’s single room, hanging out. We weren’t friends anymore, we had far surpassed that and became the closest of families.
If one of us needed anything, the others were there. I felt sick, Michael got me medicine, I was cold, Blake made me tea. We were all inseparable.
As the weeks passed, I started getting closer to Blake, learning his love of Doctor Who, Firefly, Star Wars, Supernatural, Sherlock and really everything I care about. At the end of January, when I decided to cut off my hair and leave a Padawan braid, Blake and I started going to the gym on campus, in the racquetball courts and lightsaber dueling intensely. After that we joined the fencing team (though after a while we got lazy and gave up there…) and through all that we got closer and closer.
After a while Hailey told me she and Sonjay thought he liked me, but I didn’t believe her, why would he? Then our friend Becca, who was at a school 2 hours away so she wasn’t even with us, wrote on my wall, “Dearest Hope, please marry Blake for me.”, which got liked by all of our group, I was still doubtful, then my coworker Jenni, who didn’t know any of my friends, just based on stories told me, “Hope, within a few weeks you’ll be dating that boy.” I told her no way and forgot about it,
On Valentine’s Day, all of our group went to Applebees for dinner for “Single Awareness Day”, before we left, Blake gave me a Valentine he had made that was the single sweetest thing I’ve ever seen, incorporating my fandoms and just being adorable. I still was just ignoring the signs. Then, about a week later, Blake asked me on a date. I agreed, though still a bit wary, I didn’t believe in love after all, and if it existed, why would it happen to me?
I went anyways, we went to Noodles and Company for dinner and I had a great time. Afterwards, we became nearly inseparable, though I was still unwilling to call us a couple.
He asked me to be his girlfriend a few days later and I told him I liked him a lot but I was scared of relationships and that I was sorry. Being the amazing person he is, he told me to take as long as I needed and that he would be there waiting whenever I was ready.
I was ready February 23, 2013. I said I wanted to be his girlfriend and here, almost 8 months later, I’m in love.
It’s real and it’s happening to me and I’ve never been so happy.
These 8 months have been the happiest of my entire life.
Being in love is beautiful, and wonderful. It makes me feel like something I’ve been looking for forever has finally been found, and it feels like I have something perfect.
I’ve found my other half, something I never thought would happen. I found someone who feels about me as I do about them, someone to love and care about.
The thing about being in love though, if the person you’re in love with is far away, is that no matter how much fun you have, or how happy you are, when they’re not there it feels wrong. It’s not like you need them to be there to be happy, it’s not like you’re totally dependent on them for happiness or like you turn all sad and pathetic without them, it just feels like they should be at your side to share in your happiness.
Missing people is hard, but love is worth it.
What a weird feeling.. love. Who knew it’d happen to me?
So… I was looking through my old posts and found this. The day I went Facebook official with Blake I posted this. Oh how much has changed in 6 months. I’ve found love and it is real and it’s amazing. :)
I like him. I like having a hand to hold. Someone who cares. I like having someone who can tease me but cares enough to listen to my serious thoughts too. I like having someone I can spend all my time with and not tire of his company.
It scares me though. I don’t want a relationship. I don’t believe in love. I believe that things like this lead to people getting hurt, me getting hurt doesn’t bother me as much but I can’t hurt him. It won’t work, these things never do. It scares me to know that someone cares about me. It scares me to know that someone wants to spend all their time with me and not tire of me. It scares me that someone tells me I’m awesome and lovable. It scares me that someone wants to take me on dates and hold me in their arms.
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My heart is sad, but happy. Texting is fun but I want to hug you. I want to lean on your shoulder and whisper in your ear that I love you. I want to feel your soft touch a you caress my back. I want to see the look you give me when you think I’m not looking, the look where I can tell how much you care about and love me.
I feel selfish for wanting this when I know I’m lucky to have you, I’m so lucky to have met you, much less that you decided I was worth caring about.
I try not to be selfish in this way but I don’t like you being far away, I want you back here, with me and our friends where you belong.
I miss you so much. I care about you so much, and love you so much, it fills my heart with joy that I finally have you. You were worth all the long, lonely years of waiting and feeling hopeless about finding someone.
We’re perfect for each other and I’m so happy.
I love you.
These past two weeks have been wonderful, nearly all that time you’ve been at my side, which is my favorite place to be, beside you.
These perfect days have spoiled me, I’m afraid. I’ve gotten used to you being next to me, being there to hug and kiss and talk about anything with. I’ve gotten used to cuddling you before we both go to sleep and to talking about whatever is on our minds with no filter.
I’ve spent these weeks falling more and more in love with you and getting more attached and now it’s time for you to leave again, I’m not ready for it.
These weeks have gone by too fast.
I wish you were always at my side, I wish I could hug and kiss you every day and as wonderful as texting and Skype is, it’s really just not good enough.
I can’t believe you’re in love with me, I’m so in love with you and I wish you weren’t away.
I can’t wait til you’re back next year.
I’ve always enjoyed writing but I rarely have ideas. I’m not creative enough to create worlds or beautiful stories that change the lives of people reading. That won’t ever be me, but I still enjoy it.
I enjoy writing out my thoughts, venting, just getting it all out, somehow it helps clear my head. I don’t have beautiful ways of saying things, or interesting stories to tell or poetry to write, but I will continue to do it anyways.
Right now, there’s not a lot on my mind, not a lot people want to read about anyways.
I’m thinking about my family. How much it hurts, how much I don’t want to go back and how much I wish I could get my sister out of there and just never have contact with our parents again. I’m thinking how much I wish things were different, how they were loving and caring and weren’t spiteful and heartless.
I’m thinking (months ahead of time, but it’s bothering me regardless) how much I wish decisions were easy. I wish I could just not go home for holidays and it be ok and not end up hurting my sister in the process.
I’m thinking about how glad I am school is starting soon and friends will start returning.
I’m thinking about the friends who won’t return, who’ve graduated or transferred and who I don’t know if I’ll ever see again.
I’m thinking of my boyfriend, who I love so much. How glad I am he’s been able to visit for a week before going home and we’ll be apart for a year, with only short visits in between.
I’m thinking of how attached I’ve become again to him always being at my side, always available to hug and kiss and to make me smile.
I’m thinking of the sleepy way he looks when he’s stayed up all night but drives me to work anyways, how adorable it is.
I’m thinking of how he looks at me when I’ve been sleeping and he accidentally wakes me up and he looks at me more lovingly than I knew anyone could and whispers how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.
I’m thinking of how in love I am and how much things have changed in the past few months, I went from never thinking anyone would care about me to being happily in love with the most perfect of boyfriends.
I’m thinking how glad I am that though my blood family sucks, I have been blessed with the most amazing family of friends who cares about me and loves me and legitimately wants to spend time with me.
My heart is happy, full of hope and love. For the first time ever I know love actually exists and even better I’m experiencing it. I’m happier than I knew I could be.
My heart is also sad, and lonely. Through my happiness and my first time in love which is absolutely perfect, it’s hard being away from him. “You can love someone so much but you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”, John Green says, and I think he’s right. Long distance is hard, and it hurts, but it’s worth it I believe.
My heart is also full and broken, not for me, but for my friends. My friends who is hurting, my friends who is heart broken, my friend who is discouraged, my friend who is suicidal.
My heart is also tired. Tired of not being good enough for my parents, for not feeling worth anything, for being afraid to be forgotten, again.
Overall though, my heart is actually doing well, I’m happy, I’m feeling better about things than I have in forever and I am in love and I am happy.