I serve a rad God.

The past few months have been hard – really hard. I’ve struggled with being in a job I hate, I’ve lost a best friend to a lot of crap and pain and hurt and I lost the boy I thought I would marry. During those times though, God never once failed me, He has never looked at me and I thought I was too much work, He has never seen me crying out and thought I was too annoying or too  broken or too anything – I am His child, and He has loved me throughout.

Since September, 90% of my life has changed but while a lot of it was extremely painful, so much of it has also been a beautiful growing experience. I know 100% who my real family is, the friends who will drop everything to come make sure I’m okay, to bring me ice cream when I’m down, to watch movies with me so I’m not alone to just love me and be with me – the ones who really care. And that’s.. beautiful. That’s something I’ve never had before.  I have been loved many ways throughout my life but not like this, I’m usually the side character, the replaceable friend, not the “drop everything for” friend and having this kind of love is, it turns out, a beautiful blessing.

I admit before these hard months I wasn’t necessarily practicing  my faith as I should have, I had faltered, gotten away from where I should be and just been too stressed and busy trying to make my own way. (Which is dumb, I can’t do that)

I’m still so far away from where I should be but I’m learning, I’m growing and I’m leaning on God so much more than ever, not just in the hard times but now that things are getting better too.

God  brought me His son and this amazing church family and friends outside of church too that love me even though I don’t know why.

God, I don’t deserve anything. I panic, I freak out and I definitely don’t trust but here I am, being taken care of anyways.


About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

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