Oh how I find, that every subtle thing screams your name.

I haven’t used this blog in so long, I had nearly forgotten about it..

Last time I wrote I was falling in love for the first time, I was happy though dealing with a lot. I was a girlfriend. A student. A brunette.  Now I’m none of those things.

I think I might get back to writing here because I have so much on my mind that I simply can’t discuss with people (not necessarily because they won’t care but because I don’t know how to get it out.) and I can’t use my Tumblr for all of these.

More details to come later but a quick summary: I’ve recently had a breakup. It hurts. It hurts more than I knew. 3 days shy of a year and 7 months. He told me we would marry someday, apparently not. He said he’d be there, apparently not. – This happened three weeks ago and honestly I feel lost. I’ve never been in this much pain before, nothing like this has ever happened. Which I suppose sounds immature, I’m upset over a boy, I’m 22 I have my whole life ahead of me, relationships come and go. – I do know all of that but it doesn’t make it hurt less. Now I actually know why they call it heartbreak. Because it hurts and feels like you’ll never be okay again. It feels like you can’t go on. You know that something another human has done shouldn’t cause this much pain but it does. Then weeks go by and people seem to expect you to be okay- and some days you feel like you are. Some days are okay, some even good but then a memory, a waft of emotion will float by and you’ll feel broken again.

That’s where I’m at.


About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

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