Today has been… weird…


Things have been going well, much better recently, spending time with my group of friends nearly all of my free time. If I’m not at class, at  work or asleep we’re together, even if we’re just doing our own thing and not talking, we’re together. I know I keep mentioning this but for real, this is the closest I’ve ever felt to people, they legitimately care about me and love me and I honestly don’t even know how to handle it. It scares me almost having people legitimately worry about me and want me to be ok. It’s nice. I was sick last week and I walked into Michael’s room, coughed like once and he immediately gave me medicine and made me a cup of hot tea. Even when I was younger and my family was better they didn’t take care of me that much.

This week of course was Single’s Awareness Day, that was when things started to get weird in life again. Everything was mostly good, like I actually had an awesome day, our group all went out and ate dinner together to celebrate our friendship and be single together and whatnot but of course that all changed when my mother came into the day. She texted me, as I had sorta expected her to, wishing me a happy Valentine’s Day and saying she loved me. I simply responded, “Thanks, happy Singles Awareness Day. I love you.” Then she freaked out… claiming it was rude and she had always tried to make the day good for me and how it’s actually a day for family’s and a bunch of random bull-crap. Then nothing else happened until this evening when I received a call from her.

This evening she called, it started ok because she said, “I hope you didn’t think I was mad at you.” then proceeded to yell at me for a half hour guilting me about not coming home more often and wondering why I would possibly like spending so much time with my friends instead of coming home (And being verbally abused? Yep, that sounds like a good deal.). She also went through how I clearly hate her and she made me apologize to her for ruining her Valentine’s Day which is her “favorite day of the year” because I was such a bitter brat  about it.

I wish I didn’t let this stuff get to me. I wish I could stand up to her more, I wish I didn’t let her guilt me into things. I wish I was stronger and that stuff like this wouldn’t push me back into depression. I was doing so well! Now I’m sad again… This has to stop.

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About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

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