I Think I’m Lost
Okay, so I realize it’s been a while since I had an actual, legitimate post, and really, I don’t have a good reason as to why not. I’ve had ample time to write one, numerous thoughts running through my brain that probably should have been let out but I just haven’t felt like it I suppose.
In my last posts, I was full of hope, encouragement and looking forward to the future, not the case now. It’s like I’m broken or something. I have so many times when I have good days and I feel all hopeful and awesome and then sometimes even the next day I just feel broken, not here and completely hopeless. I don’t even know how to explain it really, it’s not a steady decline into sadness, it’s a sharp, unexpected plunge into depression. I don’t like it, I don’t like writing about it (And I suppose that’s partially why I haven’t) because I want to be happy, and encouraging and have something meaningful to say. But honestly? I don’t. I don’t have encouragement or wisdom on how to get out of this. I know I will get out and I do continue to know that God is good and He will provide but sometimes I’m so in pain and sad that I just want to curl up and cry until everything’s ok. Which is NOT how I want to live. I want to do important things, changes lives, be something, do something incredible with my life. Change the world. But right now, I have no idea how to do that. At least not while I’m at home. At home I feel lost and alone.
I need a hug.
Hope (What an ironic name I have, eh?)