I Think I’m Lost


Okay, so I realize it’s been a while since I had an actual, legitimate post, and really, I don’t have a good reason as to why not. I’ve had ample time to write one, numerous thoughts running through my brain that probably should have been let out but I just haven’t felt like it I suppose.

In my last posts, I was full of hope, encouragement and looking forward to the future, not the case now. It’s like I’m broken or something. I have so many times when I have good days and I feel all hopeful and awesome and then sometimes even the next day I just feel broken, not here and completely hopeless. I don’t even know how to explain it really, it’s not a steady decline into sadness, it’s a sharp, unexpected plunge into depression. I don’t like it, I don’t like writing about it (And I suppose that’s partially why I haven’t) because I want to be happy, and encouraging and have something meaningful to say. But honestly? I don’t. I don’t have encouragement or wisdom on how to get out of this. I know I will get out and I do continue to know that God is good and He will provide but sometimes I’m so in pain and sad that I just want to curl up and cry until everything’s ok. Which is NOT how I want to live. I want to do important things, changes lives, be something, do something incredible with my life. Change the world. But right now, I have no idea how to do that. At least not while I’m at home. At home I feel lost and alone.

I need a hug.

Hope (What an ironic name I have, eh?)

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About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

2 responses to “I Think I’m Lost”

  1. robby1975 says :

    I am sorry to hear of your troubles. It saddens me to hear that anyone, especially a fellow in Christ is in low spirits. I have been there myself, what I offer you is from my own troubles: God loves you personally and furiously. When God looks at you, He smiles! God is smitten with you!

    Before I go further, let me offer you a few verses from the first chapter of the Epistle of James.

    Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

    I believe that you (as I have been and still am) are being matured and deepened in your walk with Christ. Brennan Manning (who you should read if you haven’t) says that our Christian life should be centered, formed and lived from the truth that God not only loves you, but He likes you. He goes on to say that when we scorn ourselves we are scorning the life and work of God in and with us. I have been there. Life is hard. Yet, I also know God loves me and that Jesus is the God ‘with us’ (Matthew 1:18-25). God will not give up on us. God is always with and for us.

    God loves you! I hope you will understand and experience more and more that God not only smiles on you, hugs you, but also that God is embodied in you. Even our bleak moments are God-filled. May God bless you with his love and acceptance and may you in turn bless many through your God-filled life.

    • elvishjesusfreak says :

      Thank you so much for your comment! It means quite a lot. And I do know that God is incredible and amazing and even in my dark times I can see Him working all around me. Thank you so much for the encouragement!

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