Trying to Think Like the Doctor
As most of you readers know, I’ve struggled for a long time with people leaving, people lie and people leaves constantly. Maybe on one hand can I count the people who’ve actually stayed in my life and proved they care despite the promises all the others have made to stay in my life and be my friends forever. Out of all the people I’ve known in my 20 years of life, that’s not a lot, and it scares me. It terrifies me actually. I want to stop caring, I want to just put all my feelings for anyone away for ever and just not care. Because if I don’t care I can’t get hurt right? I told myself about a month ago that love didn’t exist, that not even real friendships could fully exist without people eventually leaving, I told myself that and promised myself to stop caring, I admit it, I didn’t want to make new friends this year on my new floor because I know they’ll leave, I know they’ll leave along with all the other people I care about already. I have ended up making new friends regardless of that though I admit until recently I hadn’t actually gotten to know them super well because I’m afraid of getting hurt. Again.
This past week though I’ve started getting close with new people, and I’ve started caring again and I’m so scared. I’m petrified that more people I care about will leave.
Luckily, I do still have some friends that care and one in particular who is wise beyond her years and I have quoted on here before because of her wisdom (And will no doubt quote again), was kind enough to give me some wise advice, “Hope I could count on one hand. Like, one finger maybe, maybe, who hasn’t left me one way or another. People do, but that doesn’t make you an island, or the cause. It’s (I think) partially just the stage of life we’re in. Attachment is hard when moving around, settling down, finding yourself, etc. Plus your age group is where all the tough stuff we went through at 15 comes into play for dudes anyway, or when it’s getting resolved anyway, so the majority of them are all whacked out. But there’s the few. The proud. The Whovians and the Trekkies, the loyal ones and the ones that don’t make fun of Star Wars debates. Not necessarily saying all good people are nerds, but I think in our case it applies.
I don’t even know what I ended up saying there. People are good. People are worth weeding through to find the best ones.”
When she said that, I realized she was right, Maybe it’s not my fault, it’s just our world is screwed up and it hurts. But I do try to remember how the Doctor would think of it, he knows the worlds hurt more than anyone… but he still continues caring. Even though literally everyone breaks his heart…
So, because of that, I’m trying to remember that, to care even though it might hurt, and maybe someday I’ll meet someone who won’t leave.
The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. ~ The Doctor