Feelings (More angst. Oops.)


People tell me I apologize too much for too many things but this is why, I don’t feel good. I will always feel bothersome and annoying. I feel like nothing I do is good enough, I don’t feel smart enough, pretty enough, normal enough (I’m getting more awkward and creepy by the day here guys…) and I don’t feel like I’m enough at all.
I know that honestly those are lies, God thinks I’m good enough and therefore I am but sometimes that doesn’t help. I feel sad and not good enough and I don’t know what to do about it. Which makes me angsty again and I hate it.
Everyone around me seems to be getting married or engaged and I’m sitting here trying to be patient and not care and being more single than I’ve ever been at my life. Here I am, almost a month before my 21st birthday and I’ve never been on a date or been kissed.
I just wish I knew how to fix all these things.

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About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

4 responses to “Feelings (More angst. Oops.)”

  1. Tola says :

    “I feel like nothing I do is good enough, I don’t feel smart enough, pretty enough, normal enough…” This sentence right here is my life… especially the last part. No matter where I am I always feel like I’m not “normal” enough to be there. Just like you, I know these are lies, but obviously just knowing it isn’t enough. I have to believe it but most times I don’t… but I’m working on it! And with God’s help, I’m getting better. I mean, what is “normal” anyway?!

  2. alicehightopp says :

    I always think of this quote from Little Women. Meg complains that she’ll never have any suitors and her sister Amy responds, “You don’t need scores of suitors. You need only one… if he’s the right one.”

    I won’t say how old I am, but I’m very close to your age and I’ve also never been kissed. I have been on a couple dates, and those dates showed me that getting a date should not be my goal. I don’t want a boyfriend; I want to meet someone who I love enough to marry.

    Look at it this way. When you’re at your fiftieth anniversary party with your husband and you look back on your life, you’ll be glad you didn’t kiss a lot of people. Your kids will ask,”Who was your first kiss?” and you’ll be able to say “It was your dad.”

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