I Hate Writing About My Angst


I hate being sad. I hate that I don’t remember how to feel happy. I hate that everyone I’m friends with eventually leaves or finds someone better. I wish I could stop caring because my caring only seems to push people away. I wish I knew how to turn off all my feelings so I could stop hurting and hurting others.
I hate writing on here about how sad I am but sometimes I have to get it out. I don’t know what I do wrong most of the time with friendships but I clearly do something because almost everyone leaves. It hurts me but I hate hurting other people more than I hate being hurt.
But now, now I can’t remember how to be happy. The pain of everyone leaving is getting to me and I miss them. I miss the person who was my closest friend in the world, I ruined everything, I scared him off like I scare off everyone. And now I don’t know what to do.

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About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

6 responses to “I Hate Writing About My Angst”

  1. Jenny says :

    *HUGS* Take it from someone who’s been around a while…true friends never leave. They always return and the relationship is changed but better. It’s weathered a storm. “Friends” who run at the sign of trouble aren’t friends. I don’t know what happened, and whatever it was may take some apologizing or groveling by one or more parties involved, but if it’s worth holding onto, it’s worth fighting for. Let the smoke cool, Give some space. I sincerely doubt you ran everyone away. It takes two to break a friendship. Don’t absorb all the blame. It takes two to argue. Life will get better. You’ll learn from mistakes as will your friends. You’ll also make new friends. Many will go. If you’re lucky, a handful will stay. You’re young. Give it time, and remember, God loves you for you. You are unique and you are beautiful in your own way. God brings people in and out of your life for a reason. Cherish each one and remember how special you are. There is no one else like you, and those lucky enough to see ‘you’ will stick around for a long time because they know how blessed they are to be with you.

  2. Victoria-writes says :

    Sending you a big hug! Don’t be sad, it all all work out in the end.

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