The Future Terrifies Me
I don’t like growing up. I don’t like being on my own, I don’t like having bills, or buying groceries, or working full-time, or being an adult. It scares me that in two years, I’ll be done with college, done with living in dorms with my friends, done with shenanigans all the time and I’ll be legitimately on my own, not just for the summer but I’ll legitimately have to have a plan, start looking towards my long-term career goal, be an actual grownup, with all the responsibilities that come with that, even more than I have just now.
The thought of this all terrifies me, and honestly, though I should be preparing for this even now, I haven’t. I know mostly what I want to do, be a police officer for 3 years and take some law classes, then go to finish law school somewhere then apply to the FBI, that’s easy, that’s been my life goal since I was 5. But what about all the traveling I want to do? What about adventures? What about growing up, falling in love and getting married? Where do those fit in?
I don’t know, at all. And yes, I should start planning where I’ll go to law school, where I’ll be a police officer, where I’ll live, all of that. It’s part of my growing up responsibility that I need to do all that, but it’s also part of my responsibility not to be terrified of these things. Everyone goes through these changes, and yeah, they can be painful, and I’m not a fan of change, I don’t look forward to all of this but at the same time, those changes themselves will be their own adventure and that’s how I need to look at it. I long for adventure all the time but this will all be one, and I still have time, and maybe I’ll even have time then, to travel, to have the adventures I always long for, to try new things, meet new people and experience new places.
But you know what else I need to do? What else is part of my responsibility? Is to not worry, to trust God, and know that He has a plan. I can’t see it, but He can. And that’s what’s important, because He has my whole life in His hands. It’s not all up to me (THANK GOODNESS!), I don’t have to be worried because it’ll all work out according to His purpose. I just have to trust and pray and do my part to do His will.
So, even though I’m terrified now, I shouldn’t be. That’s not what I’m called to do. So that’s what I’m currently working on, and if any of you want to pray for me about that, that would be absolutely brilliant and most appreciated!
Thanks for reading!