God is so much more powerful than I give Him credit for sometimes.
So I’ve mentioned it slightly on here but haven’t been completely honest and open about it because I didn’t want to sound angsty but the truth it, this summer, being alone and living away from almost all my friends has been really hard on me. I really don’t know many people up here and because of that I’ve really been struggling with loneliness and being depressed about it. Finally last Tuesday-ish I sat down and had a discussion with God about it, I was honest and open and told Him (Though of course he already knew) how I was feeling and how even though I know He is more than enough for me, I was still struggling with these feelings. I know without a doubt I’m where God wants me for the summer but it’s not entirely where I would prefer being, especially since most of my friends are elsewhere. I told Him all this and asked Him to show me more people to meet and hang out with. Around that time after I finished praying was when I got the text message inviting me to the Bible study picnic I went to on Wednesday that I wrote about. Also as I wrote about, Wednesday was when I really clicked with one of the girls and have since hung out with her like 3 times which has been absolutely brilliant. Things were definitely starting to look up and it was only because of God, clearly but I still wasn’t completely happy. Thursday I had fun too, I hung out with my new friend Megan, watched Burn Notice and Suits with her, got trapped in her apartment due to my only transportation being a bike and a large lightning/thunder-storm coming out of nowhere and then Friday I went grocery shopping and went to the library to pick up some books I had been looking forward to reading.
Ok, so one thing I need to insert here is that I love books. They are literally my favorite thing, reading makes me happier than anything else and if I could just read new books the rest of my life I’d be content. That being said, I hadn’t been in this public library before and upon walking in, I instantly fell in love. My little small town library back home is nothing compared to this! I mean, heck, the DVD section here is the size of our whole library! It was brilliant! So I got a few books I’d been wanting to read and walked around scouring the place for more. When I was looking, I stumbled upon some books I had forgotten about but had been wanting to read for a long time. They’re called the Katie Wheldon series, by Robin Jones Gunn. They’re books about a college student named Katie who is a Christian and is basically just going along through college trying to trust God and stuff but back to that in a second.
These books are based off of character originally seen in the Christy Miller books by the same author. The Christy Miller books are books I have loved for about 7 years now and I would literally suggest these books to anyone, they’re a fantastic, witty and entertaining read and they have helped me grow so much in my faith. Needless to say, I was overjoyed to find the books about Katie because though I had read everything else written about these characters (The Christy Miller series, the Sierra Jensen series and Christy and Todd: The College Years). Once I got back to my apartment I immediately started reading them and was astounded by how Katie and I have been dealing with the same things and same insecurities, loneliness and doubts. It was very encouraging to read about her struggles with these things and seeing how God was working in her life. After reading these all day and coming across a particularly encouraging passage I set down the book and got on my knees immediately to pray.
I just apologized to God for being so angsty and sad and lonely. I apologized for not trusting Him enough, for letting my human-ness get in the way and for trying to control things on my own instead of trusting Him. I surrendered all my doubts, insecurities, fears and loneliness to Him and asked Him to take them away and just let me rely on Him completely and trust that His plans and timing are the best. Also, as insignificant as this might seem, I asked him for patience on hearing from a friend that I deeply miss and hadn’t heard from in a while due to a summer working away from easy communication. It might not seem like much but to me it really has been a big deal, me missing said friend a lot and wanting to hear from them but when I was praying I gave that to God to, I told Him again that I know His timing is perfect and to not let me worry about that and I’d hear from them when God wanted me to. Encouraged and refreshed I went to bed.
When I woke up in the morning, almost immediately I got a text from that friend I had prayed about. Incredible right? Something that seems so insignificant but God completely took care of it for me! The rest of the day was spent hanging out with some friends who are still here for the summer and with my new friend Megan!
It was completely incredible, I mean, I know God is awesome but I can’t even begin to describe how amazing, and incredible and just indescribable He is. I say I trust Him, and I do, but I need to set time aside more often to just surrender everything to Him because He will always take care of me and His plan is always better than what I have in mind. God is crazy awesome and He has proved Himself over and over again.