I Am Nowhere Near the Person I Should Be


Recently I’ve started (and will soon be finishing) the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. For any of you who have not read it, I encourage you to go find it immediately and pick it up. It is a challenging, life changing book discussing how our lives as Christians should be, and discussing how often in our current society especially, most of us are just lukewarm Christians, living complacently in our faith but not being “radical”, not living like Christ called us to.
If you think about it, it’s so, so true, many of us “Christians” talk the talk all the time. We claim our faith, we’re open to telling people what we believe but only if they ask. We don’t want to inconvenience anybody, we don’t want to offend them. We’re happy in the lives we’ve been given and we certainly don’t want to be uncomfortable. Well you know what? That line of thinking is wrong. And no, I’m not pointing fingers I promise because I fall prey to that probably more than anyone I know. I screw up so much it’s ridiculous. I’m a hypocrite. I came to my new apartment this summer, knowing I would be lonely, even telling people that but telling people it’d be ok, I’d be fine because it’d be good, great even, I’d spend that time instead of being lonely drawing closer and closer to God, drawing in, living life how I’m meant to, all that jazz. But you know what? I haven’t done that. I’ve been here over a week and I’ve hardly opened my Bible. Yes, I went to church Sunday, yes, I went to a Bible study Tuesday but I haven’t actually put effort into it. Sure, I’ve prayed, but they’ve been selfish prayers, prayers like, “God, be with me, stop me from feeling lonely.” or half-hearted thank you’s that I’ve been safe and provided for here. I haven’t actually been open, and honest and dug in the Word like I should. I’ve been complacent. I haven’t shared my faith with anyone since I’ve gotten here. I’ve been wasting my time on the internet, day after day, watching YouTube videos, spending countless hours just browsing Tumblr and Facebook, not even having anything to do on them. Being bored. There’s nothing inherently wrong with spending time on the internet but there is a problem when I’m wasting the precious time that God has given me.
God has given me this life and He wants me to use this time, for Him, as the servant that I so often claim to be for Him. Jesus said, “Take up your cross and follow me”, I haven’t done that. I’ve hardly done anything inconvenient. Sure, it’s been bothersome a bit biking everywhere in the heat, but that wasn’t truly uncomfortable. People everyday all over the world are actually persecuted for their faith yet still stand up for it but I’m here living a blessed life, with everything I need, doing nothing. Sure, I’ve been lonely, I’ve been missing my friends a lot, but why? When I have God. The only one I really need. I claim all the time that He’s my best friend, and yeah, He should be, after all He’s done for me. But I wouldn’t treat any of my friends here on earth like I’ve treated Him. Putting Him at the back of my mind, not spending time with Him, not doing what He asked of me, when He sent the person He loved most in this UNIVERSE to DIE, a brutal, tortured, HORRID death, for ME. Because of my sin.
What am I doing with my life? Not the right things. That’s for sure.
So, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but this time I mean it, and this time I’m going to make sure He’s at the forefront of my mind at all times and I’m going to live my life for Him. I’m going to treat Him like a real best friend treats their friend. I’m going to love Him, and respect Him, and honor Him and be the servant He asked me to be, the servant I need to be, and the servant He deserves to have.
From now on, I’m going to live like a Christian. I’m going to shout my faith from the mountains, I want everyone around me at all times to know of my Jesus, my best friend, my Savior. I want them to look at me and say, what does she have that I don’t have? Where does this love come from? And I’ll tell them, I’ll tell them exactly where it came from. Because it won’t be me, oh no, I don’t have strength or love like that. It’s all God.
Hope ♥

“If you read history you will find that the Christians who did the most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.” ~ C.S. Lewis

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About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

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