5/25/2012 ~ Dear Future Husband
Dear Future Husband,
I’ve been struggling again recently with feeling worthy of things. I don’t feel good enough, a feeling I often have when at home and I’m really struggling with it. I hate feeling this way and I’ve been told over and over again that guys don’t like girls who are insecure, which is oddly making me more insecure because it makes me afraid I’ll never get over this and I’ll never find you. I know, I know, pretty messed up right? I’m definitely trying to work on this because nothing about these feelings are good but they won’t go away right now. I’m really working on just trusting God and knowing that He has a plan for me and that He thinks I’m worthy which makes me very worthy. I know these things in my head but my heart doesn’t seem to be listening. So yeah, that’s what I’m currently struggling with and I guess I’m glad that right now I don’t know who you are so I don’t have to be all angsty like this with you. If I do happen to know you now, and you’re one of the friends that I’m all angsty to somehow, then I again apologize. I’m trying so hard not to feel this way. My friends have been amazing and comforting and telling me all these feelings aren’t right but because of how many times my mother and other people have said otherwise, I can’t listen, I don’t believe any positive things about myself right now. I’m trying though. Wow, when did I become such an angsty/emotion/insecure person? This is not good.
Definitely what I’m gonna be working on this summer, that way I’ll be preparing myself a bit more for you my love.
I can’t wait to know who you are and please, when I’m insecure like this, don’t judge me and don’t be upset that I won’t listen to people saying otherwise, just know this is something I might struggle with for a while, but I know eventually God will help me overcome this.
From To My Future Spouse Tumblr:
– Sometimes, I feel ready. For you. For us. I feel ready to hold your hand and know that you’re there. To be in love with you. To face things together. To count on you and be counted on by you. To be wrapped in your arms and never want to leave. To be a reason for your smile. To follow your lead.
But then I realize I’m not ready. I’m young. I’m foolish. There are things I need to do, see, and experience before I get to you. Things I need to learn and understand. There are places in my life I have to come to, there are things inside I need to come to grips with. I’m not ready for you. You’re probably not ready for me either.
And that’s okay.
It’s just that I know when I’m with you… I’ll feel like I’m home. And, well, I guess sometimes I just feel homesick.
– I’m looking forward to the small things in life: waking up beside you,
seeing your toothbrush next to mine, digging past your cologne and
shaving cream in the medicine cabinet. How bad could forever be if
it’s by your side?
– I long for you; to be loved by you.
All I can say is that it is an extremely tough journey without you, please make an appearance in my life soon.
– I look for you in every boy that I meet. I just miss you so much. I hope that right now you are growing so much deeper in your faith just like me. I just can’t wait to meet you and talk about everything.
– I trust you to make my waiting worth it :)
– I’m not a party girl. Heck, I’m not even that keen on going out.
So let’s stay in a lot, yeah?
Call me old-fashioned, but let’s light some candles, put on some slow music, and just dance in our living room.
Let’s snuggle into our bed and just watch our favorite movies all night.
Let’s stay up ‘til sunrise telling each other confessions and secrets that we haven’t told each other yet.
Let’s cook dinner together, eat together, and then wash the dishes together.
But most importantly, let’s pray and read together.
I couldn’t ask for anything sweeter.
– We will never stop going on dates. We’ll never stop acting silly. We’ll never stop playing. We’ll never stop having movie nights, making pallets on the floor and eating popcorn. We’ll never stop telling each other our secrets. We’ll never stop being best friends. We’ll never stop being young and in love.