The Wisdom (Or lack thereof) of Michael Scott
As a lot of you know, I am deeply fond of the TV show the Office and while I’ve loved every single season, the current season might be my absolute favorite, yes, it’s the only season without Michael Scott played by Steve Carell but I actually and surprisingly think the writing is the best out of all of them and it makes me quite happy. As happy as I am with the current season however, Michael Scott will forever be one of my favorite fictional characters. Here are some of my favorite quotes by him.
– “I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me. And I think it’s because they see me as one of them. But … cooler and with my life put together a little bit more. If a baby were president, there would be no taxes. There would be no war.”
– “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.’”
– “Nobody likes beets, Dwight. You should grow something everybody does like. You should grow candy.”
– “I’m friends with everybody in this office. We’re all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren’t dentist appointments, and that is when it’s nice to let them know that you could beat them up.”
– “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.”
– “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
– “You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards … when they’re acting retarded.”
– “If I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”
– “Alright let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn’t even talk yet.”
– “When I said that I was king of forwards, you’ve got to understand that I don’t come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”
– “Yes, money has been a little tight lately. But, at the end of my life, when I’m sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I’m going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money-wise.”
– “Hey, you wanna hear a lie? I think you’re great. You’re my best friend.”
– Michael Scott: Ladies and gentleman, I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Michael Scott:It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her, life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be ok.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why would you have to phrase is like that?
– “Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me– no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.”
– “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised.”
– “Oh I am taking responsibility. And it is up to me, to get rid of the curse, that hit Meredith, with my care. I am not superstitious, but I’m a little ‘stitious.”
– “Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They’ve got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho. And you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then, suddenly she is not your ho no mo.”
– “Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”
– “Oscar, you’re gay! Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck! And you’re gayer than Oscar. Boom roasted!”
– “No no no no you will not die! Stanley! Stanley you will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black Stanley!”
– “So it wasn’t Dwight after all. Looks like I’m the killer. You never expect that you’re the killer. It’s a great twist. Great twist.”
– “Nobody should have to go to work thinking, oh this is the place that I might die today. That’s what a hospital is for. An office, is for not dying. An office is a place to… live life to the fullest. To the max. To… an office is a place where dreams come true.”
– “Remember when people used to say “boss” when they were describing something really cool. Like, “those shoulder pads are really boss man.” “Look at that perm, that perm is so boss!” It’s what made me want to become a boss. And I looked so good in a perm and shoulder pads. But now, boss is just slang, for jerk in charge.”
– “They say that laughter is the best medicine, so, Stanley, you can throw away those pills you are cured. Actually, you should better hold on to those. Just in case.”