3/30/2012 ~ Dear Future Husband
Dear Future Husband,
I’m learning a lot about myself this week. I’ve learned I’m bad at trusting, I’m bad at feelings, I’m bad at having confidence. I don’t trust God as completely as I should. I try to do things on my own and don’t fully depend on Him. I don’t like being vulnerable and weak openly but what I need to realize is that it’s only in my weakness that He can be strong. I’m bad at feelings, I don’t like them and want to get rid of them. So far feelings only get me hurt and I don’t like them. I guess that’s part of my pride coming out where I don’t like being vulnerable and showing my feelings. That’s another thing I’ve been working on, trying not to hate feelings so much. I know God gave me the ability to feel and love and eventually it won’t hurt so bad. Eventually I’ll find someone and whoever it is will be worth the wait because God has a plan. I’m bad at being confident, I don’t like myself and my personality. I need to remember how God made me like He wants me and I just need to be confident in Him.
I’m trying to learn all these things and right now I’m not doing so well at them. As much as I hate waiting, maybe that’s the reason God hasn’t brought us together yet. Maybe it’s so I’ll be ready for you and more mature and more of how God wants me to be.
I love you and can’t wait til we meet.