Why Do I Always Care More About People Than They Care About Me?


This is what always happens. I always care so much for others and either they don’t seem to care at all or I just care way more for them than they do me. It’s quite sad really and I wish it would stop happening. My parents don’t seem to care, the couple of relationships I’ve had in the past with guys have ended with them basically telling me they never cared at all and in the past few months I’ve come to realize that friends that told me they would be there forever, the friends who were closer than siblings don’t care at all anymore, I’ve been reduced to less important than a hair and nail appointment, from a “best friend” and “sister” who I haven’t seen in 5 years. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong and yes, I know this is another angsty post but the combination of being home and losing friends I was promised forever has made me quite a bit angsty, I promise I’ll try to do better the rest of the week. But I just wish I knew what to change, I love caring about people, making people happy and feel loved and cared for is my favorite thing to do but for once I wish someone cared enough to make me feel that way. Ok, that statement wasn’t entirely fair, I do have wonderful friends that I know are there for me always but I’m tired of finding out that I’m not worth caring about. I’m tired of losing people who mean the world to me. I just want someone to care about me as much as I care about them, to text me randomly and ask how I’m doing or just to say hey. And again, I do have some close friends who do that and I’m so very thankful for them, but some the people who mean the most to me and I’ve known the longest, and the ones I care the most for always seem to leave. The ones who said they’d be there forever, forever sure is a shorter time than I had always thought I guess.
Again, I’m sorry for the angst, I’ll try to stop it, I told myself I wouldn’t complain, and I’m trying not to, but when all I want to do is sit and cry and sleep for the rest of the break, I had to get my feelings out somehow.
Hope

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About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

18 responses to “Why Do I Always Care More About People Than They Care About Me?”

  1. tiallarising says :

    oh my goodness, I’m feeling the *exact* same way right now. I can totally relate with you. Unfortunately, I can’t help you (because I’m still in the midst of trying to figure it out myself), but I can let you know that I’m in the same boat.. Wow..I feel better just knowing someone else out there is feeling the same way!

    You’re in my prayers, Hope. Just keep looking to Jesus. I’ve found Psalm 37 is a great help to me. Not sure if it will help you, but it’s worth checking out. I’ve learned that, yes, we do go through hard times, but Jesus is holding our hand, walking beside us, and ready to pick us back up when we fall – even when it seems like He isn’t. I hope this helps.

    -Tia

    • elvishjesusfreak says :

      Aw I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this too! The feeling sucks :( You’re in my prayers as well! And thank you, that did help, the Psalms are so encouraging, and yes, Jesus is always holding our hand, thank goodness. It did help! Thank you!

  2. Hudson Gay says :

    Hope,

    I’m not sure I can relate exactly to your situation, but I’ll offer up my collective thoughts for the time being. I can’t say I’ve had family or close friends that ‘split’ or thought themselves better than me, but I’ve had quarrels with parents before (who hasn’t?), to the point that I moved out and lived with my dad until it came time to go to Manhattan. I’ve accepted the fact that they’re still my family, and I’ll have to deal with that, and so far keeping the time I spend with them and the distance of still staying at my Dad’s when I visit helps to moderate the tension quite a bit. I think your situation is perplexing. I would argue that perhaps it isn’t you after all, but the people that surround you, though those that are causing problems are your closest friends and family. I will say that you needn’t make promises to not be this way ‘next week’ or whatnot. You can’t force yourself to put on a smile when you aren’t content with your life situation, and you shouldn’t attempt to. Please don’t take offense, but perhaps a first step would be to acknowledge that you’re not satisfied with what’s happening, and to feel free to open up and write (or otherwise communicate) that, rather than putting on a sham that will will at best, work in the the short term. I don’t know specifics, but perhaps rather than questioning yourself and pointing the finger at yourself for your troubles, examine what it is that is causing them to not care. I know it sounds trivial, and perhaps you’ve already throught of it, but is there any common element amongst your long-time friends and family that could ‘link’ to the problem? I apologize if I sound distant or cold in my reply, that is not my intention. I guess it’s just that I value loyalty very highly, along with tolerance in both myself and those I surround myself with. I don’t mean it as a bragging gesture, but I’d like to think that I have a small, but close circle of friends, those that I would go to the ends of the earth for, it’s in my nature… I can’t claim to be perfect, however. I have a circle of friends, that due to moving, going to different schools, differing viewpoints, and other things I have only recently seen for the first time in years, and others I haven’t seen in years. It’s hard to just rekindle something like that after so long, but I feel that it will still work out in the end. I’m afraid I’m getting off topic, so I’ll close with this. I’m sorry if my post doesn’t help much, but know that I am proud to be your friend, and when I say ‘friend’, forever is implied, becuase friendships don’t need labels or timelines. I know I repeat myself a lot, but If you need something (Angel’s friend needed a pair of socks tonight, haha.), let me know.

    P.S. I’ll text you ‘hi’ tomorrow/today, if that’s cool with you.

    • elvishjesusfreak says :

      Thanks Hudson! It did help. I mostly just needed to rant last night, thanks for all your thought, I will definitely have to think about what you said, maybe it’s not me, maybe it is. I don’t know. I just wish it didn’t suck so bad when it happens.. And I definitely appreciate your friendship, thanks!

  3. LittleMissVix says :

    Unfortunately friends do come and go. I’ve learnt that sometimes you have to let certain people go. There’s a saying I really think is true – people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. The ones who have drifted from you weren’t meant to be with you forever and it’s hard but I know you’ll find people who are meant to be!

  4. leeleegirl4 says :

    Hope, I promise that there truly are some people that care just as much for you as you do them. You have to work hard to find these kind of friends because they are rare and precious jewels.

    Just because people aren’t texting you randomly, doesn’t mean that you can’t text them. I say that like its easy, but I know that the first steps are the hardest. If you are putting your all into a friendship and not getting anything, then you can have peace, knowing you tried. As for relationships with guys, I have learned that it is better to wait for a guy that cares deeply for you, rather than dating just anyone.

    <3

    • elvishjesusfreak says :

      Thanks girl! I know you’re right, and like I said, I do have some of those friends, just apparently not as many as I thought. And I do text people first a lot, I just hope I’m not annoying them by always texting them first. And definitely that’s true! I’m definitely waiting I just wish I didn’t have to wait so long! Thanks for the comment! ♥

  5. slytherpuffclawkim says :

    I know I don’t really know you and you don’t really know me. I’m just some random girl who found your tumblr through a random Google search and realized “hey, I like a bunch of the same things as this person, I should read their blog, too”. I’m obviously not an expert on your life, or on life in general. But I know I can tell you one thing: I read your blog daily and don’t plan on quitting anytime soon. Not at all. I really enjoy what you write here, even if it’s angsty or whatever. So even though I am just some random person online, I hope you understand what I mean by this. Because your courage to post these things online and your ability to do so in such an understandable way, means something to me.

  6. vixstar1314 says :

    Hi, I happen to land on this post of your’s, and omg! The stuff you talk about on this post is like me reading my own thoughts. I feel like this far too often and also question this topic. Sometimes it really does feel unfair, but I believe that everything happens for a reason, and God has done this for a reason. At time’s we do not understand but we have to have faith in him.
    Keep going. Believe =)
    Thank you very much for sharing.
    I also clicked on a few other posts of your’s and wow it’s so refreshing and comforting to know someone thinks and feels similar things to what I am wondering.
    Very cool blog. keep it up.

  7. Arianna Jenkins says :

    That’s just how I feel

  8. TD MW says :

    Sweetheart — I think it may be because people have lost their ability to care. We live in such a toxic world. Everyone is so busy just trying to survive it all, they become self-focused. The fact that you can still care is God (or collective consciousness for non-believers), in you. If you believe in the Bible, it says that we all must love one another. It does not say we must give money to one another; it also says we shouldn’t judge unless we want to be judged. In other words, support, love, compassion, empathy, and caring more about others, collectively, than we do our individual selves is imperative. Don’t lament your ability to care. And don’t squelch it. Keep singing your song and find new creative ways to share your caring, concern, and empathy. It’s Who Jesus was and is and will be = the embodiment of the love we are to share and grow. Keep shining your light! For ALL of us!!! Bless you!

  9. Ayo says :

    This. Is. Me.
    I’m a happy Christian. Love Jesus. And my life is a what would Jesus do thing becuz as for right now Hes the only person that I truly find joy from.
    Basically my life is sooo hectic right now.
    I’ve been feeling as though my feelings are worthless. My sister is getting sassier as she ages and she gives me attitude and my dad isn’t born again and is so negative and mean sometimes that it shocks me. He complains when we go to church but when he goes out with his friends it’s no problem. My mom is my best friend but sometimes I feel like she’ll never get me. The whole generation gap thing. And the saddest thing is that my best friends…I just don’t know anymore. All the time I give up everything for my friends. Before I really got saved I used to care all the time what people thought. My life was basically people centered. But now…I care more about them than they do about me. Even when I’m sad I ask them if they’re ok. I make these people happy before I’m happy. I literally give up so much that my mom says it’s too much! When was the last time these people did anything for you? I don’t even take care of my feelings. I don’t talk to anyone about them. I write them in a diary (don’t judge me) so I have an output and don’t blow up in the midst of sucking all my own feelings up. And yet when any person around me is sad…I help them as much as I can. I literally fake being happy and suck it up just to make them smile. The rare times I don’t feel like talking to anyone…I honestly don’t know who cares enough to ask me what’s wrong. My closest best friends are in church, surprisingly, not school. I have a blast with them. But the time where I’m down….I don’t know if they notice and don’t say anything or they just are oblivious to me almost feeling like crying. Ok well this may not be fair because there are times when my bfffffff in the whole world talks to me, but honestly…it’s almost as if I’m starting not to matter. Lately when I break down she says can we talk about something else please? She just gets annoyed and tries to change the subject. I cry behind my phone screen but say Ok. You don’t know hard it is for myself whose trying to rebuild myself from all those years of self-damaging thoughts I’ve let ruin my life. This was the night I came to the conclusion that all people are selfish. Even though I give up soooo much, it’s not enough for me to be cared about. I’ve tried to think of a person who I could talk to about this, and even worse, I thought of…almost nobody after my best friend said again…can we talk about something else? …
    Are my feelings that worthless that when I help somebody become happier they feel better but when I’m down nobody cares about me? The only person I ended up talking to was God. But I’m on the verge of crying again. I just feel like noone is there. I push away thoughts of self-harm because its ridiculous. I’d never do it. But could it be a solution? I’m persecuted and judged for being too Christian or caring too much about my eternity and going to heaven…and the way I dress which is apparently too ‘covered up’. I even have to push away those old thoughts saying…UGH. You are so fat. Look at all these skinny people that’s probably why noone likes you. OR…wow…ur kind of ugly compared to all these pretty girls. Maybe you should expose yourself a bit more or something so that they’ll start noticing you.
    I keep strong obviously because I’m sticking to Jesus until eternity and never backsliding to the world, but do I really have in essence..noone? Really? Is my only option to…cry in a corner or something?
    It takes me to a sad place. Knowing nothing I give anymore is enough for people to love me as I love them. I literally never get angry or let it out. Try never ever to hate anyone…but I feel like noone cares. One of my other bfff I used to likeee for a while but then focused on God more and realized i was just fooling myself until he told me he liked me for a while just ignored me completely today because he was in one of his ‘mood swings’, but just yesterday we were having a blast and it was all hugs and happiness and puppies and rainbows and praise God!s. I try to make him happy as I do with people but when I’m sad I feel like only sometimes does he really care enough to talk. And I can’t talk because I feel like everyonell just get pissed at me for being so emotional and roll their eyes or just you know…not care. I want them to like me and trust me. But I don’t know if I can say I fully like me or trust myself. Right now I’m waiting for the tears to flow. But thaank you so much for speaaaaking about this omg I’m so happy I’m not alone in this planet. I just feel like I am. And I hope I find someone who loves me or cares to tell me that I’m not alone. Or that they care. Before I just conclude that I’m worth nothing. and go…you know..I guess cry in a corner. Or a box. Whichever one is less demeaning. You all feel me though and you guys are all amazing and beautiful :’) thank God I found this! Thank God.

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