You Can’t Run My Life Anymore
I decided something today. Something big, something quite life changing. My parents cannot run my life anymore. I won’t let them. There’s a good chance I’m coming back to college early from Thanksgiving break, which means I won’t be home on my birthday, my parents are gonna fight it, and they’re gonna hate it but I have to. It’s unhealthy for me to be around them, the way they treat me, the way they talk to me, I’m not a child anymore. I am almost 20 years old and they still try to control my every action. I haven’t pulled away or done anything to stop them before because I’ve been so afraid of being disrespectful to them and therefore disobeying God that I’ve never stood up to myself about this. I’m not going home this summer, whether I get the job at Youthfront Camp that I’m wanting or not, I’m not going back. Not for the entire summer, I can’t. I’ll find a job somewhere and do that. I can’t be in that environment anymore, not for extended periods of time. I’m not sure yet what I’ll do for my month long Christmas break but I can’t be there for all of that either. Obviously I’ll still go home, I’ll be there for Christmas but not for the whole month. I can’t. Not even for my sister. She has friends at home who will be there for her, and now a boyfriend who I know will be there if she needs someone to talk to (as weird as it is that my little sister has a boyfriend, I really respect that kid and know he’s good for her). I love her and would do anything for her but now that she’s out of the house more with High School and friends, she’ll be ok. If she needs me I’ll find a way back home but I can’t put my life on hold because of what my parents are doing. I have to be my own person, I’m almost 20 years old, a sophomore in college who’s paying my own way through, I can’t let them run my life. I will always respect them and love the but I’ve realized now that I can still do that and stand up for myself. Respect from others starts with me respecting myself and I need to get out of there to do that. It scares me to death and will for sure be the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I need to. I have to. I’m going to need a lot of prayer through this but I have to stand up and fight. (Not literally fight… just finally do something about my situation.) I have to have faith in who I am, be my own person and not let others completely run my life. This is something I should’ve learned a long time ago but was to afraid to see the truth. Two of my friends have really helped me see that this is the right thing to do and have really encouraged me to stand up, be myself and take control of my destiny. (That sounded way over-dramatic but it’s how it is). Please, any of you pray for me as I go through this because I am terrified but I can’t keep living this way. Also pray that I’ll find something to do for Christmas break, I can’t go home.
Thanks for listening to me rant again, (Though this time it’s been much less angsty!) I feel much better about myself right now. But also feel terrified.