Summer’s here but I don’t want to leave.
Today is over! All 3 finals out-of-the-way, I’m finally a sophomore! I don’t yet know what grades I got on my finals so I’m still quite anxious about that but hopefully I did well and now I can stop stressing about that however, due to another conversation with my parents, grades seems the least of my worries for the summer. I can honestly say that if I had any choice on going home, I wouldn’t, at all. I would go anywhere but there. I can’t stand it, I’m just so thankful I have good friends who has said they’ll kidnap me if it gets to bad and a blog where I can let my thoughts out on. Without those things and most importantly God, I’m not going to lie, I would’ve at least self-injured quite a lot. Normally I’m super good at hiding my feelings, if I don’t want you to know how I’m feeling, you would never know, but in the past few weeks, I’ve been so depressed because of my mother that people who barely know me have seen me crying and have known I am depressed. It’s terrible, and I hate, I like hiding my feelings. I hate when others see me cry. My best friends from 2nd grade have only seen me cry twice, and those were both when I was moving away from them.
I don’t like this weakness at all but I can’t stop it. My parents (Especially my mom) don’t even seem to realize what they’re doing to me. Mom keeps reprimanding me on how I’m not respecting her enough, and how I make her feel worthless and how all she does it make sure I’m taken care of. I honestly can’t see any evidence of what’s she’s done for me. Everything I say she just twists around to make me the bad guy. She literally called me, yelled at me, then hung up on me tonight. Then she called my dad crying about how terrible I was to her and he called me and made me apologize. When I talked to her again, she complained about the way I said “I love you” to her the phone call before. Apparently I wasn’t sincere enough and I sounded rude.
I honestly don’t know how I’m going to make it through the summer… No one should ever dread to come home. No one should wish more than anything that they didn’t have to go home again.
Proverbs 15:4 ~ Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.