What I wish I could say to you, but I can’t. So I’ll write it here.
You tell me that you love me but your actions say otherwise. You’ll never know how much it hurts me when you tell me I’m a fake, when you say how disappointed you are in me. When you say how smart and wonderful she is but you never tell me that, at least not to my face. Yeah, I know that you love me, you say it all the time but as YOU taught me, actions will always speak louder than words. Sometimes your actions say you love me, but later, you bring up those actions to guilt trip me into doing stuff that I shouldn’t have to do. I do so much for you but you act like I’ve never done anything and that I’m the most selfish person in the world. I never want to come home, the only reason I want to is to see my friends. Spending a week here is awful. Last year, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it to the time when I could leave for college. It’s torture being here, you wonder why I always try to find things to do elsewhere? Well think about it a little closer. Then maybe you’ll understand. If I didn’t have God here with me and I couldn’t feel His arms around me all the time, I would’ve self-injured myself. He’s the only thing keeping me how I am. You act like I’m the worst child ever, I’ve never cussed, never drank, never smoked, never had sex. So what exactly is so bad about me? You tell me that I’ll never be able to fulfill my dreams but I’m going to prove you wrong. I’m going to be an F.B.I. agent. And I’ll live in London for a year too. Those are the two things I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember and I will accomplish them both. Don’t you dare doubt me. Please, I beg of you. Just believe in me. You accomplished your dreams, and I will mine. Then maybe I won’t be such a disappointment to you.