Things One Should NEVER do in Hogwarts ;)

I recently stumbled upon (on StumbleUpon believe it or not!) a list of things one should not do while at Hogwarts, this list included 586 things, some of which were dirty and some that I just plain didn’t understand, so I decided to take said list and shorten it to the ones I found humorous. Enjoy!

I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.

No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

“I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.

I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write, “I told you I was hardcore”.

I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.

Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

I will not refer to the Weasley twins as “bookends”.

I will not tye-dye all of the owls.

I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall

Or anywhere else for that matter.

I will not shave Mrs. Norris.

I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”.

I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.

I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.

I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.

I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.

I am not a sloth Animagus.

I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or pirahna.

I do not weight the same as a duck.

Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think its funny.

I will not kiss Trevor.

I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

Skiving Snackboxes are not a suitable gift for first-years.

Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.

I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.

I will not mock Dumbledore with exaggerated limb movements.

I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone its the new Dark Mark.

Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time. 

I will not insist that the trees in the Forbidden Forest are Ent wives.

It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.

I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.

I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

Filch does not have a sister named Magenta.

I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter’s prized Firebolt.

I will not replace Madam Pomfrey’s Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

-I will not replace Professor Snape’s pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

-It was not an honest mistake.

A wand is for magic only; it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox

I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”

My headmaster’s name is Albus Dumbledore, not “Gandalf.”

Neville is not my valet.

When given a directive by my house prefect, I should not insist that “we don’t need no stinking badges.”

First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.

I will not threaten the Fat Lady with Dip.

House ghosts do not regularly “slime” anyone.

Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

There is no “open-mike night” at Hogwarts.

I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.

There is no bring a muggle to school day.

And I should stop insisting there is.

I should not ask Professor McGonagall if, while in cat form, she has ever coughed up a hairball.

Ok, I’m done.. It’s to much work to go through all 586 of these things  and copy and paste them while I’m about to fall asleep… BUT if you want to read the original list, here is the link, I hope you enjoyed! –

Peace out!

Hope ♥


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About elvishjesusfreak

I'm learning to love and be and grow up and things are hard but God is always so good.

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